Lost on how to save my marriage! 4

[hoosjim]

The thing I think will be a confirmation will be that VAR. Where did you get yours?

Do not take this as an endorsement or recommendation, and all my previous caveats apply, but...

There's about a million on Amazon. Best ones are ones that look like something else (thumb drive, pen, etc.) Best hiding place in cars, IMO, is between the headliner and the roof, if you can wedge it up there-- best acoustically and no one ever looks there. Be aware that your Amazon account (if W has access) has a "history" that can be searched... not just what you have purchased but what you have searched for. Also, for surveillance devices, a lot of states wont let them be shipped to P.O. Boxes, so they have to come to your house-- also risky. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, recording other folks' conversations without their knowledge and permission is, in many if not most places, illegal. And I don't just mean illegal in the sense of being inadmissible in divorce court, I mean illegal as in it's a crime and can get YOU in trouble, so I do not recommend you do this and, if you do do it, I strongly recommend that you check the laws in your jurisdiction first.

IF you do it, be measured, be careful, and don't get caught. And, if for some reason you use the information you gain to confront your W (which is an entirely separate scenario an which entire books could be written and on which opinions vary widely), do NOT go straight off in a rage to confront her (remember you are cool, calm and collected at all times) and if/when you do tell her what you know do NOT tell her how you gathered the info. (Remember, it's likely illegal and in the end she doesn't need to know how you know... just that you did check up on her and you found out.)

Final thought/caution/caveat: Be careful. Snooping can damage trust, on both sides. You can't "unhear" things that you might hear, which can dampen your enthusiasm for reconciling with your W and lead to scars that might take years (if ever) to heal (I don't know if I will ever be able to get out of my head the sound of my W's tearful voice telling OM "I just want to jump on you and run away with you" or the sound of them kissing) and, should your W find out, it will be one more thing she needs to overcome in her head and to forgive you for-- it could irretrievably derail any efforts you are making at reconciling. It can become an obsession (I have come close here myself) and completely undermine what otherwise might have been a marriage on the way to recovery. Take look at Coconut's sitch here, in particular. As with any sitch, hindsight is 20-20 here, and there is never any way to be certain what might have happened had things gone differently, but coconut himself will probably tell you that he focused too much on the OM, including WRT the surveillance on his wife, and it made him very hard to stay detached and work confidently and comfortably on DB-ing. I probably did a poor job of describing his sitch right there, but the important thing to remember is that surveillance and snooping CAN be counterproductive and CAN backfire, despite whatever information you might glean from doing so.

Hope this helps. FWIW, from your recent posts it sounds to me as if your W may actually be turning away from at least that sort of contact with OM, though I admit I have not studied your sitch in detail and will defer to Sandi2 ultimately on the diagnosis and evaluation of WW's-- she's an ace and you should heed her words carefully.