Finding my way out of the dark - Part 4

[Holding]

I'm not even attracted to you so how do you expect your wife to be attracted to you?

That cuts deep man. I thought we had something special. But now I'll have to build my awesome life without you. See ya!

But seriously, I know I've been in a dark place lately. I don't know why this is all hitting me so hard again. I think STBXW opening up to me about her doubts made me reconsider my approach. I've read in some other sitches that sadness seems to strike around this time - for me 5.5 months after BD. But you're right - I need to pick myself back up and find my strength again.

It seems you are running from her. Why? It's your house. If you want to be somewhere be there. To me it shows a lot of insecurity when you leave a room everytime your W shows up. You have to show more confidence. Stop running and become the man of the house. Stop worrying about her reaction to whatever you do.

To be fair, I don't scamper off every time she's in the room. But I admit I do need to be more confident. I actually did a pretty good job last night. S14 had a school concert and I sat with her and S10 (I sat next to S10). At home I was interacting with the kids and laughing, and I must have been in the same room with her for at least 45 minutes.

I know it's hard to be happy around her, but you have to do this for your own sake. Have you ever experienced your W, when she saw you truly happy? If not, then doing something different is part of DB.

When I'm truly happy, she just looks at me like she's not sure who I am. TBH, I haven't been truly happy for a while, but I think I've been doing a good job of acting "as if". Going from "as if" to the real thing is taking some time though.

Also, your wife asked you why you leave everytime she enters the room. Maybe she wants to see you take charge. Try taking charge. You were mad because your wife took charge for Halloween, stop saying I don't know, and say I will do it. Take charge. Stop waiting on what you wife will do, and you just do it.

Fair point. I do think she used to want me to take charge, since I was the typical easy-going NG the entire M. But now she wants me to roll over in the D. So I realize I need to take charge for my own sake at this point. I do find myself strategizing about the D a lot, which causes me to think more about things and be less decisive on the spot.

Thanks for the tough love, guys.