Basically W said it boils down to; if we talk or at least if I respond to her calls she doesn't mind me reading out to the family. So I told her I cannot promise I will respond to her reaching out to me bc I still wasn't sure how I felt about he at the moment (bc of the OM)r; so I rather just tell her now I will stop reaching out to her family.
Look, she is trying to control you, and she's always controlled you b/c you are Mr. Nice Guy. Of course she doesn't want you reaching out to "her" family. No WW wants their family to be talking to the LBH with her controlling the conversation. Your WW is selfish and spoiled, and she thinks throwing a tantrum like a kid will get her way.
Quote:
Sandi; Do you agree with them? For some reason yesterday and today I am just extremely angry and frustrated with my whole sitch. I wish I would have made those comments which Maika and Tread mentioned above when I was on the phone with W. No I am just kicking myself; because I am afraid W thinks the ball is in my court right now from what I said;
Well, I wouldn't repeat what Tread (no offense) said to your W, b/c that is an invitation to continue the battle. I'm seeing too many men repeating things from the board that are just for his ears, only.....and it comes across badly to the WW.
Stop explaining yourself to your wayward W! Frankly, I think the comment you made about not sure how you felt, was the best thing you could have said. You have to understand something........she needs to think you could decide to dump her cheating a$$. Stop beating yourself up! Why are you trying to make it so easy for her? The WW should work to get you back. She should be convincing you!
You keep saying the ball is in her court. Not true......or at least, it shouldn't be. You have the ball, not her. You call the shots from here on out. Got it? That's the only way she'll learn to respect you and treat you like a man instead of a doormat to wipe her feet on.
Did you read about the nice guy syndrome? Cause you have NGS. You cannot nice back a wayward W.
You were doing good until you broke down after three days and contacted her. Ever since then, you have been sweating bullets. B/c you are scared this woman who has lied, cheated, and betrayed you might not want to reconcile? IDK, but being separated longer might be the best thing that could happen. I don't think she is near ready. That stuff about her regretting the affair? Well, she sure hasn't humbled herself, or she would not be talking to you and BIL like she did. She really does need to feel some humility for her actions, or you'll find that nothing has changed when you go back together.
You are getting your b@lls back.....so don't let her have them back again. Do not explain ANYTHING when she starts berating you. Immediately hang up, b/c you've already told her you are not going to stay on the phone while she yells. That is a boundary you've laid down, now stick to it.
Not another word about the BIL, or who you will talk to. Shge doesn't get to call the shots for your life. Stop acting as if she's your mother you have to obey.
Now, go NC for the rest of the week. Don't even respond if she contacts you first. That woman needs to worry that you are fed up. Don't worry over ever word you've said. You need to set yourself free of that prison! That's no way to live.
Have I talked you down yet?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
