Any Advice 2

[sandi2]

Well, lost the post I had typed out, so here I go again.

I have to tell you something about your W. She's playing you. She is trying to protect the OM and also ensure that the affair continues. She accomplishes it by throwing a few crumbs in your direction and you see it as a "sign" she's coming around to her old self again.

You wanted to know what you need to do right now? Stop trying to manage your W. Stop trying to manage the OM and their affair. It doesn't work. The more you try to manage her, the more you are pushing her away. When you stop and let her go, then it draws her toward you. Not immediately, maybe, but if you'll stick with it.....you'll have a bigger chance in turning the ship around.

You and Tread want to know what part you are suppose to give your WW. You guys are getting the cart before the horse. Before you can give her the things you really want to give at the moment, you have to educate yourselves. Otherwise, you are just working from your emotions and that's like going into battle without basic training.

I want you to treat your WW no better and no worse than you treat the checkout clerk at the grocery store. You are friendly, but not too friendly. You show a PMA, without talking about yourself. You don't ask personal questions about her activities, and you don't share your own. You don't try to get close, or sneak a little physical touching, and you don't invite her to go out with you. You appear to be an interesting man, but you don't stick around watching her until she gets off work. She sees you eager to leave, on your way to ......what, she doesn't know. Although she only sees you for just a few minutes, she finds herself liking the cool, confident man that stands before her, enough that she would like to know more about him.

Whenever your WW acts as if she's flirting or throwing other crumbs at you, you need to appear completely unimpressed. Look at her as if she was a three year old little girl that you can see right through her playful games. Remember how Rhett Butler would be amused at Scarlett when she was using her feminine wiles, and when she got angry at him, due to her own selfishness......he would often laugh at her dramatic behavior. However, he never laughed at real, unselfish pain. When it came to her continued fantasy about loving another man after Rhett married her, he left (that famous scene where he says, "Frankly my dear, I don't give a d---".), and it took years of her growing up and working very hard to get him back again. He may not be the perfect example of how a man should deal with a WW, but I think he's a pretty good role model in how to interact with one. The point is that she learned the hard way what she really wanted and who she really loved, and she had to accept responsibility for losing her M to Rhett. It was due to her own selfish behavior and unwillingness to be the faithful wife she should have been in order to keep him.

I cant push them closer, because he is three states away and she refuses to go to him.

You have got to stop thinking of their affair in the physical sense only. Did you read my previous two posts? She refuses to go to him in Georgia, but she wants to continue getting the emotional thrill. So, stop competing for your own wife. You cannot manage them.