Rebuilding my life #3

[lcause]

We don't really discuss this much because it rarely comes up, but in an emergency situation you should always do what is right regardless of where you are in your DB'ing. You may be 100% dark with your W, but if she has a medical issue and asks for help, do the right thing. Whether that's watching the kids or driving her to the doctor or hospital or calling people for her or picking up prescriptions, it is the right thing to do and trumps DB'ing temporarily. You can always get back to DB'ing after the emergency has passed.

One more nail to the already sealed coffin then

Stop the mind-reading LC. You really don't know what your W is thinking AT ALL. She probably doesn't know herself. She's confused and in turmoil. The whole idea of DB'ing isn't to give up and move on, it's to move forward. Leave your W to sort through her mess, you sort through yours. Quit trying to analyze and predict and plan, just LIVE YOUR LIFE and let her live hers. That's it.

And please, STOP talking about spending time with other women and starting a new R and such, you ARE NOT READY. Not even close. Look at your timeline, you've barely started in this journey. It's a 26 mile marathon and you've taken a few clumsy, halting steps. You have a ton of emotional healing to go before you should consider bringing another woman into your life and especially your kids' lives.

Isn't expecting them to be in turmoil mind reading too? She could very well be glad that she finally got rid of me and found someone better. If she leaves me and wants to pursue a relationship with someone else, it's rather clear which one of those it is.

I am not pursuing other women now. I am just talking about my future with someone new. There's a big difference. I am not ready like you said and I am just not very attractive currently due to poor job.

If she does all the work on the D and all that's left is your signature, then sign. If you've already apologized for whatever your mistakes were in the M, then don't apologize again. A lot of LBS's apologize over and over and that just looks pathetic to a WAS. Once or twice is fine, no need to beat a dead horse.

It's not what I did in my M, but what I've done since BD. A month or so ago I got really pissed off and was so sure I'd never want to be with her anymore so I decided for god knows to state that I'm fine, I'm going to do it myself, I was depressed due to our relationship, we both said we can't ever be again yadayada. I did apologize this already, but I'm a model DB screw-up

She doesn't require my name there. She can file it completely without my knowledge. I just get a paper in mail afterwards that we are divorced legally.

LOL! Brother we know your sitch very, very well. You think this is our first rodeo? This is YOUR first rodeo. For a lot of us, your situation is one of hundreds we've followed. And for Michele and her coaches, I'm sure the sitches they've monitored number in the thousands. Trust DB'ing.

Those people have not screwed up and been bad husbands. I DO know if you compare our M to a new one, grass IS greener unless the guy is abusive or an alcoholic. Now I don't want to dwell on this and I can offer a much better one going on now, but she will always remember how horrible I was. I'm at least 90% at fault for the demise of our M.

For me DBing is more of a life style, a guide how to get better. I just don't trust it saving my situation, but that's ok. I just wish I could get this hope off myself so I could stop dreaming about things. It also sparked my interests in reading relationship material and overall finding out how real relationships work. When you are just going with the flow, you will most likely fail. MR is really hard work.