DB'ing is damn difficult. We come here for advice and we get a lot of "go dark", "friendly neighbor" "his/her sandbox" "counter intuitive" "not my circus" "no pursuit" etc. You get the picture. This is confusing..
It is hard when you have been dumped like yesterdays newspaper to be friendly towards the XW. Particular when there is a third party involved. We probably on some level want to be friendly but on the other hand, we do not like to be taken advantage of.
We don't really discuss this much because it rarely comes up, but in an emergency situation you should always do what is right regardless of where you are in your DB'ing. You may be 100% dark with your W, but if she has a medical issue and asks for help, do the right thing. Whether that's watching the kids or driving her to the doctor or hospital or calling people for her or picking up prescriptions, it is the right thing to do and trumps DB'ing temporarily. You can always get back to DB'ing after the emergency has passed.
Originally Posted By: lcause
Well, I managed to destroy the small tiny ittybitty chance by telling her I'm better off. I was angry, hurt and stupid, but I can't change how I behaved so there's no reason to dwell on there but to accept the scenario and move on. This pushed her more towards OM, albeit I know they were seeing much more than what she told me.
Stop the mind-reading LC. You really don't know what your W is thinking AT ALL. She probably doesn't know herself. She's confused and in turmoil. The whole idea of DB'ing isn't to give up and move on, it's to move forward. Leave your W to sort through her mess, you sort through yours. Quit trying to analyze and predict and plan, just LIVE YOUR LIFE and let her live hers. That's it.
And please, STOP talking about spending time with other women and starting a new R and such, you ARE NOT READY. Not even close. Look at your timeline, you've barely started in this journey. It's a 26 mile marathon and you've taken a few clumsy, halting steps. You have a ton of emotional healing to go before you should consider bringing another woman into your life and especially your kids' lives.
Quote:
I don't know how I should handle it, should I go sign the paper if she even asks me to or should I say something like "let this be the final apology and my trust that our marriage would have been savable, but I let you do what you feel is the right choice; I am not going to file it myself"?
If she does all the work on the D and all that's left is your signature, then sign. If you've already apologized for whatever your mistakes were in the M, then don't apologize again. A lot of LBS's apologize over and over and that just looks pathetic to a WAS. Once or twice is fine, no need to beat a dead horse.
Quote:
I don't know why people are saying "there's always hope" "you will most likely get a chance to recon" for me, because they don't know my sitch at all.
LOL! Brother we know your sitch very, very well. You think this is our first rodeo? This is YOUR first rodeo. For a lot of us, your situation is one of hundreds we've followed. And for Michele and her coaches, I'm sure the sitches they've monitored number in the thousands. Trust DB'ing.
