I hear what you are all saying. I want a life wighout him but unfortunately, the kids don' t. It is upsetting to see them idealizing this guy and get mad at me if i say no for anything. I am stuck. I am mad and i am fighting for my respect amoung them all. I feel used and manipulated in all direction. How many times have i felt like walking away from it all??? Many, many times. Without ex-h support, we will meet ends meet.. if the extras is what the kids care about, they will know where to get it. I want my independance. I do not what life served to me on a silver platter. Why? Because our pride, our self-confidence, our self-worth is earned by each of us through our goals, our devotion, our achievement and our struggles and our choices..
My point on those texts were not baiting for an opinion of me but a WHY would you do this?
Pitty for us? Grandiosity for you? Trying to do the right thing? ( this is not the way to do it ). Releive guilt?
To me: BULL S*** is what it is. I am smarter than this. I know who i am and i am not for sale. I do not NEED this kind of people in my life. In my opinion, i did not degrade me, HE DEGRADED ME THROUGH HIS ACTION.
Does he "why" really matter? If you don't want the money, don't take it. My ex H was out the door and with the OW when my D was 6 months old. All I could think was "oh my god, I have a lifetime dealing with these two" MY life would have been much better without him in it, but of course, my D10 needs a father.
If you ex wants to give them all this money, that's his choice, and unfortunately you have no control over that. You a mother can say no to anything you see fit on your side of the street. They will see him for who you are which is a loving mother who wants them to be the best humans they can be. It may not be right now, perhaps in the future.
My D10 puts my ex on a pedestal. He is a subpar father. But that is her daddy and while she can complain to me how "mean" he is, that is her father and she loves him to the moon and back. I know it's upsetting to see the kids idealize him, but what are you going to do? You do not need to fight for anyone's respect. Use actions that you respect, and the rest will follow. But you will not get respect by belittling yourself to your ex or bringing up his girlfriend. So throw all of that away. Write it down, punch a pillow, but don't say that stuff to him.
You can do this. I know you can. If I can, well, anyone could, trust me on this one.
