Living in limbo and hating it

[leahsue]

That would be true, I think, but if you're not familiar with my story, here's a short version of why I didn't respond. My H came to visit (we live 1000 miles apart since January) toward the end of the summer for 2 visits, each about a week. I think he felt my detachment, and got a little nervous that I had moved on, so he made the visits happen. While here, he said all the right things, claims he did not want a D, loves me, sees a future for us, blah blah. We connected physically, like we were newly weds. It was everything I could have wished for, and he asked me not to give up hope for us.

But something didn't feel right to me, especially on that 2nd visit. I knew once he left, it would not be the same, partly b/c we had been so close, that I felt he would need to pull away, as most MLCers do, but also b/c I knew that his job was going to be demanding and all-consuming for the next couple of months. I told him I thought we should both take some time, think about the visits and all that was said, and see where we are when things slow down for him at work.

So basically we have had NC since he left, except for a few business details. Even though I asked for it, it's kind of colored my thinking about the visits. And even though he did eventually reach out about the forgotten A, that was it. Just "I'm sorry, etc." So I didn't feel obligated in the least to respond. It felt like another slap. Now if he had followed through with ANYTHING, not even flowers, etc. (which would be his mode of operation) but even just a card? To me, that's what real "I'm sorry" would have looked like. Not just go right back to ignoring me.

Maybe you're right, and I should have responded, but I've bent over backwards to excuse all the crap, etc. that I've gotten from him since January, and I'm just not doing that any more. If he wants me, he's going to have to full on show me by actions, and not just a random text here and there. Also I have no idea if he's still texting OW all day long, because I gave up my snooping. It was killing me and doing me no favors.

When I think about his lack of concern overall for what I'm doing or where I'm going, and then think about a truly remorseful man who wants to R (like Blu's H), then I'm reminded that if he wants me back, I won't have to wonder AT ALL what his intentions are. He is a compartmentalizer (is that a word?) and always has been, plus we never developed conflict resolution skills in our M, so he puts things on a shelf, and just shuts down. Right now it's all about him, his life up there, his job, and possibly OW. Certainly not me. And the only way I am able to stay sane, detach and move forward with my life is to put him out of my mind. I'm trying so hard to stop giving him free rental space in my head. I'm closer than I was, but not nearly there yet.