A WW? (8)

[lt0402]

Well it's been half the summer since we've heard from you lt. I'm guessing that in this case no news is NOT good new - but you never know. Hopefully you will pop back and see this and give us all an update. I hope things are at least going well for you and D even if not for the R.

Hey Don, sorry I haven't been back to update on how things are going. At this point I'm not even sure where to start with an update, it's been so long! The summer was EXCELLENT! D and I did a week at the beach as well as a bunch of other activities while she was out of school. I worked from home for a chunk of time on the days I had her and it really let me get to see a side of her I hadn't. Honestly, it let me see a side of myself I hadn't either.

I learned during the summer that I'm more than equipped not just to take care of D all the time, but also to help her grow and excel. Was an excellent confidence builder and it re-affirmed that I can make a solid and stable home for D and I. Really enjoyed all the extra time with her over the summer!

School started about a month ago, so we've been getting into that routine. It's really cool being more involved in her school work and homework. Finding that I'm able to help her with some things that STBX was not strong with. My work has been flexible, which has been awesome, bc i'm in late on the days i drop her at school and leave early to grab her. I'm making up a ton of the time by working late into the evenings and on the weekends, but it's so worth it. D seems to be in a stable place right now which is all i can ask for.

STBX and I are doing 50/50 custody w/ a 2/2/3 schedule. Not the biggest fan of the frequent handoffs, but it's manageable so far. STBX continues to be critical of things, but as before, believes she is extremely fair and balanced. I adapt when she's right, and i push back and inform her when i won't do what she asks. Only once have i had to protect a boundary once recently (she wanted me to text her every time i picked up D from school) and i did it respectfully but firmly. Told her that what she was asking was bc of her anxiety and it wasn't healthy. She apologized, mentioned it wasn't ok to ask, and backed off. She is still stressful in our face to face interactions, but those only occur for 5 minutes on the weekends so they're manageable.

For me, i feel like a load has been taken off my shoulders. I realize now that being in house S was like having an anchor on my soul, dragging me down to the bottom of the Marianas Trench. Being out of that situation and in my own world w/ my D feels like a whole different life. It's amazing how different I feel than just a few months ago.

Looking back at the past year and a half, i can think of a few things I should have done differently. I don't really think it would have mattered much though. With that said, I've got no issues with my fighting for my M. Even though it was an extreme longshot, if i was put back in that spot, I'd do it again. Not happy with the outcome, but I'm realizing that I'm so much more than that M. I spend a ton of time with friends now. I'm making new friends. I'm going out when i don't have my D. It's almost like a whole new world has been opened up for me. But the most important thing is the stress has been peeled away and that's huge!

Still waiting on a response from STBX on the S agreement i provided her in early June. Unsure what she's doing on that front. Don't believe she's found a job yet, but i'm hoping she does soon, for her own sanity. Honestly, the best thing that could happen is she finds a job and a man she can love so that hopefully there will be stability in my D's life the 50% of the time she is with STBX. The only thing i find myself fearful from is the thought of uncertainty or instability in my Ds life. She deserves to have a stable childhood and i'll do everything in my power to make sure that happens.

So, overall, I'm doing much better than i was over the past year and a half. Ready to move on and build an awesome life for D and I. I wish our family future still included STBX but I've accepted and am ok that it doesn't at this point. Those are her choices and if that's what she chooses, then more power to her. I've chosen not to let that continue weighing me down.

So in short, things are good! I hope you are doing well too my friend. Sorry I've been absent but I've missed ya'll and would be nowhere near where i am now w/o each of you. Thank You all!