Yeh I totally get what you're saying about DBing for yourself and only being able to control your side of the street. I am definitely doing it for myself at this point and recognizing that I have to figure out my own happiness that is not attached to the M. I am slowly figuring that out and as you said, we all bring our histories, traumas, psychologies etc and this is the chance to be critical about all of that and see how much of it has played a role in your life and how you have behaved or responded to life situations.
For me, that is unpacking a lot of stuff that I just refused to deal with. So, DBing in that sense is having a twofold effect - I am actually able to deal with decades worth of garbage that basically destroyed the core of my being, and also becoming the person that I was before that.
I am really looking forward to bringing myself back and I remember that my authentic self was able to flourish because I was happy with myself. I am working on it.
