MLC or WAS... either way, I'm here

[LAJar]

You are right - I don't have anywhere to go at this point. I would still be open if H tried to come back and reconcile. However, with the speed he is moving to D and zero contact (absolutely zero), it doesn't seem that's likely going to happen. I don't think my situation is so unique, but I haven't read any other postings with that same combo. I will find Lois' posts.

I can see the man I once knew possibly realizing the damage he has done and coming back. However, this new person who has no regard for me, S or family with his poor life choices - not a chance. He's "only" 3 or so months into A, so it is all still too new and wonderful.

I completely agree with you and it's something I have been thinking about quite a bit. The idea that H has been going through all of these life issues, let's say even just our issues, the fact that he's using this new R as a band-aid is ridiculous. If I was looking at a new R partner, he is not the type of man I would jump at. After all of this no return to IC for him. I would think if he was so miserable, he'd jump at it since that's something he's done before and at the time, realized he needed. One of the few times we had communicated, he even had the nerve to tell me with my IC, I should be learning to be more accountable for my actions. Imagine that!? The pumping of the ego with A, is amazing.

At this point, the anger actually seems to feel better than the sadness. Probably not a great thing, but I feel I can work through that emotion much more easily. I'm tired of crying and being weepy at a moments notice. My anger is more wrapped in BD and beyond, not for what transpired in our M. I take a lot of responsibility for the breakdown. I am also realizing where I was unhappy in our M. The fact I didn't leave has led way to a whole new level of resentment of H. I get it, we are different and he's not able to process/deal in the same way. Just thoughts I've been having and hopefully will make way to better realization of other areas I need to work on.

I do continue to work on myself and am excited because I begin training this weekend for a possible new side business. I am super hopeful for the possibilities with this. A bright spot to look forward to in a lot of murkiness is always appreciated.

To a better and brighter tomorrow.