Tread wants to provide his wife with all the tender sweet lovin' she needs without competing with other men for her affections and he don't want to feed her no cake in the process.
You mention that W goes to OM for emotional/physical needs. And that leaves the H with fulfilling every other need. Which involves finances, child rearing, keeping up appearances and actually physically doing things. So why would a WW consider giving all that up having the best if both worlds?
Sandi, I know only too well it is real. i just had a hard times understanding why she felt like she needed to continue getting her emotional needs filled by him when i was readily available to do that. After I found out what her issues were in the M i went about changing all of that. I have made, and probably continue to make mistakes, some huge ones , i must admit. My question i guess is how can i turn this ship around? I got the DR book today and im going to read it. I also have the five love languages book. I found out that her language is words of affirmation. How do i go about putting all this into play? She gets no needs other than basics met by me right now. No sex, no intimacy. no emotional. He does all the emotional.
We have been spending a lot of time together, and we have actually had a real good time doing so, talking, laughing, and joking with each other and the kids. I feel closer to her now than before the BD. I know im running in circles. I have done some 180's on my behavior~ stopped snooping, stopped looking at her posts on FB, actually used the take a break feature to prevent the posts from showing up, because i found myself checking to see if OM liked them and getting angry when he did. I stopped m,entioning OM or her R with him, and stopped talking about our R. The first time we went to the store alone together, i could tell she was wincing, expecting me to start in on her about dumping him. When i didnt, she relaxed and we got along great.I dont read her texts to him anymore, and dont want to. Ii have basically shut him and their R out of my mmind.These were all big things for me up till two weeks ago. I always tried to catch her alone to try to talk her into dumping him, the high aspect makes sense, because her answer was always a sharp NO. I have read a small portion of the DR earlier, that says if emotional neglect was aan issue not to completely ignore her, or detach too hard. I've asked before, and at the risk of pissing some off, I ahve to ask again, now that i have changed some behaviors of mine that push her away, what do i need to do to meet her needs that he is meeting and help her end this? If Im going abouit this wrong or asking the wrong questions please let me know. We we looking at christmas decorations with the kids today, and she was all talk about how good it will be this year and we shoulc do this and we should do that. It might be wishful thinking, or cake eating, but it feelslike the old her is back for a visit. She has smiled and laughed more in the last week than she has all year...... Please correct me if im wrong and help me get right...
M 51 W 46 D14 S13 M 16yrs T17yrs BD 06/25/17 OM Confirmed 06/25/17, ILYBNILWY Did Sep for 1 month, moved back in due to W Finances
gw The only way I am getting through my sitch (and the holiday plus mindfulness has helped undoubtedly) is to.live the normal life with the cake eating wife whilst slowly mentally detaching and concentrating on the DD and some important church classes she is attending as well as GAL (running and weights). Apart from the light touch phone checking at the weekend (to confirm the cake.eating I suspected) I have not monitored since June. At the same time I haven't got a clue what the hells gonna.happen next
Me 55, W 50 D 8 M 20 T 27 MIL w/ us BD 01/02/17 workplace A (12/09/16, EA -> PA) OM senior manager, long term W, child 14 now: limbo (my choice)
"Don't care what you may do, we got that attitude!" - Bad Brains
I am basically asking what i need to do to replace OM as the one supplying her emotional needs. I want to be the beeter choice to provide these than him.
Maaybe im stupid, or hard headed, but i cannot seem to grasp this. I have the DR book got it today. I also have the five love languages book, and my D got my wife to take the quiz that determines each persons style, hers is words of affirmation, which i can clearly see is what she is getting from him. I also think i ruined some plans for a possible hookup this weekend by taking it off. WW has told me three separate times that i dont have to take the weekend off, to save the time.
Well, the 15th is OM birthday and i think he went to his parents in WV, I believe he was set to come this way on the way back to Georgia to get his " Present", and that is why shes brought up me going to work. They did the same thing in april and she denied the helll out of it till i confronted her with proof. She lied to me to protect him, because at that time i was all about turning him in and that would have nailed his door shut. If i go to work, it gets physical. If i stay home, it wont. But she will figure out that i know the deal
M 51 W 46 D14 S13 M 16yrs T17yrs BD 06/25/17 OM Confirmed 06/25/17, ILYBNILWY Did Sep for 1 month, moved back in due to W Finances
It's time for you to make some hard choices. Her seeing OM should be your boundary. If she sees him for his birthday, then there will be no home for her to come back to. You cut her and OM a blhuge break. And this is what they are planning on doing. She now knows that your are too afraid to do anything abiut the A.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
