Please don't beat yourself up further over feeling down! You deserve a pity party--this is your life, this is extremely hard, and these are your feelings! As long as your actions are those that you can feel good about, you can still honor and express your feelings. It's what you do with the feelings that matters. Seeing an IC, meditation and exercise are great ways to work through those feelings--the best ways IMO--so you are better off than you realize. I think years down the line, you will see that.
The reaction of your kid being excited, isn't surprising. My parents D'd when I was 5 and I recall liking certain things--more presents on holidays, more candy at my dad's house, etc--but they were little things, and overall it was very hard and unsettling. I think my parents could have handled it much better. You appear to be handling it better than my parents ever did.
It must be so hard to see your W happy. My guess is that she has hardships too, but she will never show you that. When my H left he tried very hard to show me that he had no doubts about it ... well later I learned that he was full of doubt and really struggling, but he wanted to hide it from me. It makes sense because sometimes he looked terrible, thin, and sleep deprived. You just never know. She also still may be in the honeymoon phase with OM or basking in "relief" of moving out. No doubt this is hard--or will be hard over time--for her too.
Keep up the good work. I know it's devastating. Keep taking one day at at time. I am really sorry.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
