It is very very disheartening to go through what we all have done and/or are doing.
How were we taught from right from wrong as a kid? We did well at school---> We got sweets, or a bit of money, or something similar. Its in our make up to want to see some sort of 'end result' from our actions. Even if we are fully aware we aren't going to get a result straight away - we are ok with that because at least we know that 'in the end everything will be ok'.
The difficulty we have is that the situation we are in needs an absolutely unbelievable amount of hope and internal strength because you aren't guaranteed a result. If you ever think "so what's the point then?" - then your journey to self improvement is not complete yet and you are still holding onto changing or coping or waiting for a recon subconsciously.
If you are looking at your W as the goal or normality, then its easy to think its over or it’s a lost cause (boom boom) because there is no pat on the back for our daily struggles emotional and physically.
I can only talk from my experience because I really do want to help. I know what its like - I could have killed myself 3/4 times over the last 6 months. But I am still here.
Not only am I here, but to give you an impression of the stage I am at I received this yesterday from her via text
"Aww (name), I love you, I seriously don’t know what I would do without you. This new you is an absolute dream come true for me. Thank you"
"Very Happy, Were happier now then we used to be. Sorry all this had to happen. But it has changed us for the better Xx"
I haven't wrote that because I am trying to show off, or I'm trying to make people feel worse, I am on here because I want people to know that fully detaching does (or at least can) work.
Even now we spend each weekend together, I have never text her first, ring her first or chased.
I sat in my house crying while I knew on facebook she was out, enjoying life without me. But then it dawned on me. I CANT CONTROL OR MANIPULATE anyone. People will come to you (as they did when they first met you) because they are interested in you. Remember back then?
I had drifted so far from that it was untrue. I was a wet rag.
When we did spend time together I didn’t put on a act.. But I did promise myself I wasn’t mentally looking for clues or similar when we were together or separate. I forced myself to enjoy every moment. I was happy to be alive. Happy to have a car. A playstation. My hobbies. Whatever it takes to focus your life onto some sort of self and internal appreciation I had to get there.
When I did, even though it broke my heart to see my life fall apart.. I still believed (not with her) that things would be ok. If I was positive enough for long enough and I didn’t let the bad times shake me - something, someway, somehow would be ok.
An hour visit turned into a day out… a day out turned into sleeping over.. And so on.
Never text to say "so sex was great last night and I love you etc.. When you coming home?" I left it. Started each day a fresh. Acted like it didn’t happen at all. That space gave her the time she needed without any pressure to go through her own experience and to make her own mind up without any pressure from me in any way shape or form.
That was 6th months. Everyday I woke up sad, but I stuck with the game plan and kept faith. I wanted it faster, but I didn’t push, didn’t look for clues. I planned my weeks in advance so that I had things to do, so if she didn’t text or call, it didn’t matter because I was busy.
Its such a hard road, it stinks, but fortune favours the brave and sometimes I look at this last 6 months as the worst but also the best thing to ever happen to me. Keep your chin up - life is NOT fair, but you know deep down if you are attractive to women or not. If you don’t feel attractive - look at the key points you think that women find attractive and implement that into your thinking until it becomes part of who you are. Anyone can change if they let go of the emotional mental story that plays in the mind when they are hurting and focus on the end goal.
