Trying to stay above water 2

[25yearsmlc]

Wow is it hard to be home alone on Thanksgiving without my kids. But I got up and went grocery shopping. And then I decided last minute to go the dog park. I'm so glad I did. There were so many people there and we were all talking and i stayed until way after dark and made plans to go back tomorrow.

dang I forgot you're in the UK with a different Thanksgiving than we have. Sorry!

I'm not terribly close to my family so I don't have anywhere to go tomorrow for thanksgiving dinner.

can you rebuild the r's with any of your family?


So I bought a tiny turkey and am making myself a dinner tomorrow. And heading out to the dog park after. I'm looking forward to it.

Well you may be eating alone but that's not quite the same as being alone, if you remember that you have many folks in your situation. BTW, there's a group called "DivorceCare" and I think they are international. Very helpful support group and it's real life and incredibly kind. Check into that or any church group or local women's center that helps people process divorce.

They don't all push their religion on you (and I'm not sure that would be a turn off for you anyhow).

My group is hosted by a church but I'm not a member of their denomination.

H is still arguing with me. I'm trying my best to be polite. But it's wearing. Yesterday I said just texts regarding the kids and work. Nothing else. I'm not sure of his angle. Usually he is the one that doesn't want to argue. He's not pressing me to go a lawyer tho like the other day.

Oh I bet he isn't pressing you to go to a L.

You need to see one asap and stop letting him think he's going to write up the agreement and you will "just have your L review it."

Most L's won't review all the law or research a lot, if there's an agreement in front of them and you tell them you just want him to double check...

they'll assume you worked it out. And if you show up with it and say "oh, I really want you to review it" then the L is behind the 8 ball.

He/she will have to contact your h's lawyer and start negotiations from scratch.

Henwen, this is the biggest financial transaction of your life. Get into it asap.

Protecting yourself is not going to harm the relationship in the long run, and the alternative is worse. It also affects your kids.

Your h is statistically likely to remarry. Perhaps the new wife won't enjoy spending resources on your kids when she has or wants her own, or revisiting issues with your or having you ask him for money b/c it wasn't all handled well when it could have been.

But please do not argue with your h. Let the Lawyer do that for you Do not bring any of this up, now.

Remember to project (not say)

how YOU may remarry, and YOU are a great catch and all the choices are NOT just your h's.

Stop giving him all the power. And Hen, I'm not referring to winning arguments. The person who remains calm in a "Fight" - is the one with the power. They are in control of themselves and know how to hold their tongue.

And let your lawyer know you expect fair compensation.


and pay up for a lawyer or risk saving a few bucks now, for a lot less for the rest of your life.


And so far he hasn't gone to one yet.

how do you really know ^^^this? Even if that's true, please don't read into it.

I just keep thinking of his words that he said the bridges have been burnt and they can't be fixed. Those to me seem like those are certain words that he has made up his mind. So I guess I just wait and see?


um, no. Why would you do that? Stop worrying about his words yesterday or last week.


So do You think talking to a lawyer will somehow set you back? How can it hurt? Your h is already saying it's over, he's talking numbers and even though that's not the death knell you seem to believe it is,

alarm bells are ringing in my head.

Hen, Just talk to a lawyer.


At the very least if he decides to surely end it. Then I have an answer and can move forward.

So, are you spending your life waiting for the other shoe to drop? How's that working?

I'm asking.

seeing a lawyer and protecting yourself are not "bad" things, Hen. They are the actions of a smart, strong woman. Stay calm while doing it, and that's your best shot at working things out AND OR protecting yourself and your kids.