Hi Roist, As always, you know I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. First, let me say I'm so deeply grateful to you for mentioning that site that has the loving kindness meditation. I've been doing that one every day and some days twice a day since last Thursday in the wee hours (3am - only thing that helped me sleep). I have had great days since - each one seems better and more positive than the previous one. I feel like I'm back to my pre-BD and pre-H's MLC self, my true self, and it feels so wonderful. Deeply peaceful, happy, filled with the joy of love and life. I've missed this me, so thank you my friend!
Secondly, the things that meant the most to me were as follows (a woman's perspective):
1. flowers for absolutely no reason, just because. I remember one time exh brought me flowers and simply said, "Because I think you deserve them and could use some cheering up." It still touches me deeply to think of it.
2. a simple walk together.
3. a quiet night sitting together reading
4. playing chess, cards, or a board game
5. the usual dinner and a movie out
6. take out and a movie in after the kids are asleep - or a really decadent dessert, like molten lava cake for two and a movie. or just some popcorn and a movie
Hope this helps. I completely understand the lack of motivation. I used to do most of the yard work, planted specific flowers in specific places for exh's enjoyment. After a while, I felt completely taken for granted and like it wasn't noticed or appreciated so I stopped. Of course, that was taken as a sign that I no longer cared enough to do these things. You don't want to go into that category.
It's hard fighting alone for your marriage. I think though that in her own way she's also fighting because she's still there and she's telling you she wants certain things. Communication is positive.
xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
