You are destroying yourself. Stop it. Stop worrying about why and how she stays involved in this other relationship. Detach! You want her to think and realize you are no longer an option. Stop going on the roof to listen to their convo. Start to treat her like a neighbor or your sister. Do you care what your sister or neighbor are talking on the phone about. I know it's easier said then done. But for your sanity stop.
Like Sandi said you can check every so often, but for you, you know what is going on. The only way to become the better option and make her chase is start to detach and put full focus on your own self. This man has too much real estate in your head. Evict him now. Give this other man his notice. It's time for him to leave your head never to return.
You want to show your wife what 10% or 20% feel like. Open the cage and let her go. Open that cage. And dont look back. Only look forward. Let her chase you. If she comes great, but you are going forward.
From your explanation, your wife is satisfied with 80% from you and 10 or 20% from other man. Let other man fill that 80% gap.
You will get there. Keep going forward. It takes time, but the faster you get to letting go the faster you have a chance to save your marriage.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
