I think this watering the grass analogy comes from the position where the LBS is somehow largely responsible for the failure of the MR and the W/H walking away and/or having an A because they just didn't get what they needed from the MR. That's partly true that they didn't get what they needed from the MR, but I believe that this put the blame disproportionately on the LBS.
As Mark said, most of us (barring being abusive), invested in our MR but got complacent, lazy, depressed etc, which added to the situation. But, I don't seen any of those reasons as S or D worthy. They can be worked on and with the number of LBS's here, I get the impression that if the W/H had said "hey, I am really unhappy and we need to work on x, y, z, because I feel like we are heading towards separation/divorce", most of us would've jumped at that and pulled up our sleeves and started the work on the MR. But, that is not how $hit went down.
I know that many people say that the W/H was giving signs all along and we just didn't pick up on them etc etc, but how come the W/H didn't sit down with the LBS and just say what they felt point blank? That's what is the most trippy about this. It is not that their feelings were not valid or true, but how they chose to deal with those feelings - walking out and crossing the marriage lines - is what's most maddening.
Sorry for the roundabout explanation, but coming back to the watering the grass analogy, this is where it doesn't hold up because ultimately the W/H walked away because of their OWN issues, not because of the LBS. This is largely about them and it is easy to scapegoat and blame the LBS because they're the closet point of contact for this. And this is why DB philosophy is important because once the LBS is out of the picture, the W/H can come to the realization that their problems didn't just magically disappear away.
Also, where the hell were they in terms of watering the grass in the MR? It's not a one way street.
I have a pretty good idea of some of the main issues with my W, and she chose to blame me for a lot things rather than address her own $hit. And walking away from me will not erase them, but actually make them even more pronounced because she has nowhere to hide now.
I hate that the LBS's here take so much of the blame. I know I did initially, but most of us did invest in our MR and whatever our faults were, they were not separation worthy. So, as AS had pointed out about the LBS fog, I hope that all the LBS's get out of that and realize that they are worthy people and this isn't about them at the core. It is all about the W/H that decided to step out.
I would have more respect for W if she said that she isn't a place to be married and needs a divorce - own up to it and be honest. The only upside to this ridiculous BD nonsense is that it gives the LBS a chance to seriously self-reflect on their actions in the MR and work on them. That is what my take away from BD is - I have time and insight now to know what are my areas of improvement and also what my strengths are, and what I need in any relationship moving forward.
