Here's the rub though. I recognize that I am plan B for my W now (or plan zero and I don't know that yet). If I save my marriage and we decide to recon, I know that I would be going into piecing as plan B. But!!!...We have to begin to recon knowing that were are plan B, but our goal needs to be to return as plan A to our S. That is the only way it can be done.
Matrix, I really enjoyed reading your take on the Plan B, but I have to say that I very much disagree with you on this point.
The only way the LBS can stay as Plan B in the recon process if they take their W/H back without making them do serious work.
If my W ever wants to recon with me, and if I take her back just like that, then I continue to remain Plan B and it increases the chances of the next BD and A. But, if she comes back for recon, and I know exactly what I would need from her to piece things together, then I am already Plan A - because I can walk away if she doesn't want to meet my expectations and needs. I can also walk away any time during the piecing period if she starts to slip - and that is why the LBS at this point is not Plan B because they won't take any more $hit.
Some of this also depends on the motivation for the W/H to want recon. Is it because the A blew up and they needed to run back to a familiar place? Is it because the LBS became so much more attractive again and the W/H realized that they made a mistake?
If they're coming back for safety and familiarity, then you're Plan B only if you take them back as is. If they return and you don't buy into their bull$hit and show them that you're ready to walk at any point, and they still stay and agree to do the work, then you're not Plan B.
Also from the LBS's perspective, you are transforming into Plan A through DBing and if W/H doesn't see that, it doesn't matter because someone else will. With DB, power and control change hands in favour of the LBS and that empowerment in itself is a great driver for becoming Plan A again.
I won't ever piece with W if she treats me like Plan B and I see that she has a foot out of the door. She has already walked out on me, and so for me it doesn't become hard to walk out on her as I already know that my life is going to be fine.
