Any Advice 2

[gw5263]

So , little on the stunned side today. Was sitting outside reading DB, and WW opens the front door and asks if id like to take the kids to a fall festival next town over with her..... Says we could have a great time. Not like her to suggest this.

[gw5263]

She didnt see the book, BTW. I put it down when the door opened.

[Maika]

haha close call huh? well, i'd suggest that you read it when you know that she won't be interrupting you or has a chance to walk in on you reading it. Also, make sure you clear your browser history and always close the browser. You really don't want her to find out about this forum. You don't want her to think that you're 'tricking' her or 'manipulating' her. The book and this forum is just for YOU. Even if you recon, you never let her know about this - this is your space.

[gw5263]

She was actually asleep when i went out. Got caught up in the book and lost track of time... LOL I gotcha though. I an all nighter due to shift work so ill stick to midnight reading from now on.

[gw5263]

I have no reason for this, but i went out to the bait store and she was walking, as usual. She was on the phone with him and for whatever reason it drove me nuts. We had a real good day out with the kids, then seeing her on the phone with this ass just got me boiling. Having an i cant take this crap anymore day. I wanted to snatch the phone out of her hand and just smash it. Kept driving on tho. Id love to get on her facebook page and unfriend his ass.
that would driver her nuts because she gets on ther a million times a day to see if hes posted something she can like. they are both like a couple of juveniles on there, liking everything the other posts, no matter what it is. JUST VENTING HERE....
Damn , somedays it doesnt bother me, but today it just rubbed me wrong. It's one of those days where you want to just scream at them and tell them how f*&^ed up they are and how f*&^ed up thier behavior is. I just wish she would end it and come back to earth, i wish one of the two of them would just end this nightmare. I know that is not a possibility, but i wish it
was. It would be so much easire if this was an actual person to person affair, meaning a local OM versus a damn telephone OM. Sandi has explained it to me a few times, but i just dont see how they keep this up over the phone for an hour or two every night. She complained that i didnt touch her enough, we didnt have sex enough, and i emotionally neglected her. How in the hell is she getting any of these neds fulfilled over the phone? I can maybe see the emotional aspect at first, but how many times can you hear i love you and miss you on the phone before it gets old with no contact? ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Vent complete. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming........

[gw5263]

Its one of those days where you want to deliver an ultimatum and tell them what your divorce atty said...............

[Maika]

I am sorry man! Even when we think we're doing alright, there are these stupid triggers that set us off. Good that you vented here rather than blow up on her.

This $hit isn't easy. Long distance love - sounds so like late teens early twenties type of puppy love. Looks pretty but got no real teeth. I hope you can chuckle at it at some point because it is weirdly juvenile.

[joejoe1]

GW,

You are destroying yourself. Stop it. Stop worrying about why and how she stays involved in this other relationship. Detach! You want her to think and realize you are no longer an option. Stop going on the roof to listen to their convo. Start to treat her like a neighbor or your sister. Do you care what your sister or neighbor are talking on the phone about. I know it's easier said then done. But for your sanity stop.

Like Sandi said you can check every so often, but for you, you know what is going on. The only way to become the better option and make her chase is start to detach and put full focus on your own self. This man has too much real estate in your head. Evict him now. Give this other man his notice. It's time for him to leave your head never to return.

You want to show your wife what 10% or 20% feel like. Open the cage and let her go. Open that cage. And dont look back. Only look forward. Let her chase you. If she comes great, but you are going forward.

From your explanation, your wife is satisfied with 80% from you and 10 or 20% from other man. Let other man fill that 80% gap.

You will get there. Keep going forward. It takes time, but the faster you get to letting go the faster you have a chance to save your marriage.

[gw5263]

I went on the roof to fix a leak, actually, not snoop. She just happened to walk by that day while iu was up there. On a lighter not i did manage to uproot a nest of hronets and fall off the roof. Lucliky i have an underground house and the roof is only about 4 foot above ground.....lol.
I was onloy venting Joe Joe. I get frustrated at times by a lack of movement and want to go caveman style and end it groggs way. thats why i come on here and vent.

Some days i feel like the fixing me passive route is fine, others, like today, i want strong fisted action. thats when i come on here and vent, so i can get it off my chest and get back to business.........

[joejoe1]

It's very hard to not get pissed and just end it all. I have felt that way a bunch of days. But I told myself thats the easy way out and my kids deserve a fight from me. A Hurclean try. I will be her best option. The one thing I have learned from being in the Army, the number one need that needs to be filled is basic needs. When those needs are neglected no other needs matter.

IMO, your wife is def in fantasy land. It's my opinion. But from all you have described so far, this man is not about to give upnis military career, so why not let her go, because, if he tries to leave his wife he will lose a lot. BAH belongs to the family, so is he willing to part with his way of life over your wife. It's going to take courage, but I'm a betting man and the odds or ever in your favor. But you have to pull yourself out of the picture while leaving the door cracked.