Hey all.....just checking in. I took a 1/2 day today to be the Mystery Reader for my 1st grader in her classroom. Essentially parents volunteer to come in a read to the class. The teacher gives them clues to who the reader is and they have to guess. Unfortunately my youngest is sick so she was not at school today but I went in and read to the class anyway and then hit the gym. I signed up for another day anyway when she will be there. The kids love it when their parents come to class!
No plans tonight, I went out last night after my D's soccer practice with a few buddies to watch Thursday night football. We have soccer games all day tomorrow starting at 8 am so I need to get my rest. I love watching my D's play, yes I am one of those types of parents.
My W and I swapped days next week since the kids are out of school on Monday for Columbus Day. Since she is a teacher she will be off so I told her I would take them on Sunday since she is going to have them on Monday and next week is my week. Just trying to be a good co-parent and as long as I don't feel as though i am being taken advantaee of I don't see anything wrong with it.
I feel as though I have kind of reached a comfort zone in my sitch. I think when i first got here I was kind of like a bull in a china shop or the Tazmainian Devil. Just bouncing around all over the place getting so many things thrown at you, analyzing every conversation. Is she disrespecting me? Do I have boundaries and what are they? Am I initiating too much contact? Am I talking too much to her? Etc. etc. etc. Now I feel like I am just being me. I still do not talk about our R or D and I don't initiate anything however I don't find myself trying to play games any more. IF she texts I text back, if I can take my girls i take them, if I have some extra children's allergy medicine and she asks for it sure I will bring it. This is me, this is who I am. Take it or leave it. For me doing anything else would be vindictive or I would just be doing it to prove a point. At the end of the day what is it going to get me? I don't want to be scared and not "step into" the conversation. i don't want to hide and run scared. If this gets me a D then so be it, it doesn't bother me anymore. IF she called me up right now I would tell her to go file if that is what she wants and I would not have that sinking feeling in my stomach any longer. Hey though this is my sitch, I would probably feel differently if my W was doing some of things others are experiencing. I guess I don't really give a $hit anymore 1 way or another.
So Sunday I have my girls and we will be decorating the outside of our house for halloween. There is a dollar store about 3 blocks away that we will be walking to so they can pick out some stuff. Then we will be heading to the local Pumpkin Patch to pick out pumpkins and have some fun. Our neighbors on both sides and across the street from us all of kids the same age and they al go to the same school. We have lived in our house for 8 years and they have all grown up together. Every year they all go trick or treating together as a group and we take a picture every year, under the same tree, which is super cool because you can see them growing throughout the years.
I know we are entering the time of year with Halloween and Christmas that is going to be rough. I know this will be the first time for me in 16 yrs that we won't be together as a family. I just hope we all find the strength to power through, stay in the moment and not let our minds wonder to those dark places.
