WAWWAW? Woul? Would Love Opinions. Thanks! Part 7

[TBSakaJ9]

So we must learn to accept what we do NOT understand or we will stay stuck in the limbo land of "asking why"...

I remember reading a post from one of the old-timers about the LBS wanting to have answers and them feeling like answers are owed to them. The vet essentially said that there are many things in life that happen to us that we never know the answers to when we die. Why would this situation be any different. It's good to keep that into perspective but it is soo hard to not mind read

Now, h has not seen our kids in a year or more. Not talking to them either. S31 said "we have all been replaced." Ouch.

It is crazy to here such stories from a Women's point of view. I could never imagine not being there for my D's ever and just going off the deep end. How did you handle it personally? How young were your children at that time and how have they adjusted? What did you say to them?

He told my bro "the kids aren't talking" to him and my brother said h "sounded very subdued, hurt, tired."

Well, that ^^was news to me.

Turns out, Facebook and the way they appear in front of us, are NOT autobiographical documentaries.

True, true......I have to remember that. I have had many people who are good friends of ours comment that my W does not appear to be the same. She is not the same happy, energetic person they once knew. My W doesn't talk to any of our former family friends and has surrounded herself with a completely different crew.

[TBSakaJ9]

Hey all.....just checking in. I took a 1/2 day today to be the Mystery Reader for my 1st grader in her classroom. Essentially parents volunteer to come in a read to the class. The teacher gives them clues to who the reader is and they have to guess. Unfortunately my youngest is sick so she was not at school today but I went in and read to the class anyway and then hit the gym. I signed up for another day anyway when she will be there. The kids love it when their parents come to class!

No plans tonight, I went out last night after my D's soccer practice with a few buddies to watch Thursday night football. We have soccer games all day tomorrow starting at 8 am so I need to get my rest. I love watching my D's play, yes I am one of those types of parents.

My W and I swapped days next week since the kids are out of school on Monday for Columbus Day. Since she is a teacher she will be off so I told her I would take them on Sunday since she is going to have them on Monday and next week is my week. Just trying to be a good co-parent and as long as I don't feel as though i am being taken advantaee of I don't see anything wrong with it.

I feel as though I have kind of reached a comfort zone in my sitch. I think when i first got here I was kind of like a bull in a china shop or the Tazmainian Devil. Just bouncing around all over the place getting so many things thrown at you, analyzing every conversation. Is she disrespecting me? Do I have boundaries and what are they? Am I initiating too much contact? Am I talking too much to her? Etc. etc. etc. Now I feel like I am just being me. I still do not talk about our R or D and I don't initiate anything however I don't find myself trying to play games any more. IF she texts I text back, if I can take my girls i take them, if I have some extra children's allergy medicine and she asks for it sure I will bring it. This is me, this is who I am. Take it or leave it. For me doing anything else would be vindictive or I would just be doing it to prove a point. At the end of the day what is it going to get me? I don't want to be scared and not "step into" the conversation. i don't want to hide and run scared. If this gets me a D then so be it, it doesn't bother me anymore. IF she called me up right now I would tell her to go file if that is what she wants and I would not have that sinking feeling in my stomach any longer. Hey though this is my sitch, I would probably feel differently if my W was doing some of things others are experiencing. I guess I don't really give a $hit anymore 1 way or another.

So Sunday I have my girls and we will be decorating the outside of our house for halloween. There is a dollar store about 3 blocks away that we will be walking to so they can pick out some stuff. Then we will be heading to the local Pumpkin Patch to pick out pumpkins and have some fun. Our neighbors on both sides and across the street from us all of kids the same age and they al go to the same school. We have lived in our house for 8 years and they have all grown up together. Every year they all go trick or treating together as a group and we take a picture every year, under the same tree, which is super cool because you can see them growing throughout the years.

I know we are entering the time of year with Halloween and Christmas that is going to be rough. I know this will be the first time for me in 16 yrs that we won't be together as a family. I just hope we all find the strength to power through, stay in the moment and not let our minds wonder to those dark places.

[LH19]

Now I feel like I am just being me. I still do not talk about our R or D and I don't initiate anything however I don't find myself trying to play games any more. IF she texts I text back, if I can take my girls i take them, if I have some extra children's allergy medicine and she asks for it sure I will bring it. This is me, this is who I am. Take it or leave it. For me doing anything else would be vindictive or I would just be doing it to prove a point. At the end of the day what is it going to get me? I don't want to be scared and not "step into" the conversation. i don't want to hide and run scared. If this gets me a D then so be it, it doesn't bother me anymore. IF she called me up right now I would tell her to go file if that is what she wants and I would not have that sinking feeling in my stomach any longer.

Dude, welcome to detachment. I've been waiting for you.

My wife's birthday is today. She leaves for work before I get up. Six months ago I would have been thinking do I text her do I not? Do I wait until later in the day? What do I say and then wait impatiently for a response.This morning I got up and went for a run and texted her when I was done "Happy birthday, I hope you enjoy your day!" Set the phone down and took at shower.

Tomorrow I plan to ask her to start putting a list together a list of things she wants from the house for when she buys her knew house.

[AnotherStander]

I find if interesting that my W has put her own boundaries in place. For example.

Great, I think that will make things easier on both of you. Some LBS's have WAS's that think they can just come and go as they please, just letting themselves in and making themselves at home. It can be very frustrating. This shows she has some level of respect for you and that is a very good thing.

So guess who took her shopping last night after work for a dress???? You guess it me! Normally that would have fell to my W but it was really fun and afterwards we went and got yogert.

Perfect! Way to be an awesome dad

RC seems so impossible at this point in time. Not because we fight or argue, that has not happened since she moved out. She is just very business like with really having no emotion. It seems like she is a pro at this arrangement and is totally settled with it.

She's not. She's just a hell of an actress. My XW is too. Our son has been having trouble in school this year (freshman in HS) and we've been having some talks with him about it. Last night she shared with me that this has been very frustrating for her, she's been having trouble sleeping, is upset at work, just torn up over it. Luckily it was a phone convo because my mouth was probably hanging open. I don't see her a ton but when I do she never shows any emotion. So to hear that she actually has feelings always surprises me a little, LOL!

If there were WAS academy awards, the judging would be nearly impossible, they're ALL masters at acting as-if.

[TBSakaJ9]

Dude, welcome to detachment. I've been waiting for you.

LOL....patience Miagi. Danielson had to learn how to wax on wax off first!

Do I wait until later in the day? What do I say and then wait impatiently for a response.This morning I got up and went for a run and texted her when I was done "Happy birthday, I hope you enjoy your day!"

Good for you, F-that just own it. Confident, secure, no games. Move on, end of story. Text if you wanna text if you don't f-it and move on.

[TBSakaJ9]

Hey AS...hope things are well!!!

This shows she has some level of respect for you and that is a very good thing.

Ok cool thanks....I was a little concerned at first. I guess it goes back to the counter-intuitive concept. Itis crazy how easy she has made it on me.

If there were WAS academy awards, the judging would be nearly impossible, they're ALL masters at acting as-if.

It is soo hard to believe she is struggling but I will take your word for it!!

[TBSakaJ9]

Yo Yo everyone....saw the W today at my D's soccer games. At the 2nd game of the day some of our good friends came to the game to watch our oldest play. BTW she had 2 goals!! Anyway I hadnt seen them in a while and when they came up to us on the sidelines they immediately commented on how good I looked. They then turned to my W and said wow, doesn't he looked good!! My W reponded with something like yeah but it took her a minute to respond. It was like she wasn't expecting the question and it took her off guard and of course she couldn't admit it or give me a compliment. I was like F U. Geez.

Then after the game she came up to me and said she ran out of money and since she doesnt get paid until the 20th she only hd 20 bucks to get her to the date. This is the second time this has happened and she asked for our redit card again. I told her no but that I would Quick Cash her some money. I don't think she has stayed on her budget since she moved out. Last weekend she took a trip out of town with 10 of her girlfriends so I know that is what did it. She doesn't have enough money to do that sort of stuff and she has already maxed out the credit she opened up in her name when she first moved out.

I am at a loss on what to do but this is getting old. I mean I know the hardline stance is sorry go figure it out. If i did that it would be hard for me to do because I still think big picture and if this goes to D how would that play out??? When she does this it impacts me as well because it impacts my budget also. I know most folks would say tough you need to go figure it out, I just don't think it's the right thing to do, I mean we are technically still married. I refuse to give her the credit card with the large limit on it and her name is not on it, the card is in my name. I guess my thought process is that I know she is struggling with money and I also know the kids wear thin on her when she has them for her week I guess I am just trying to not punish her since thats not my job.

If the D was in process this piece would be much easier......uggh.

[joejoe1]

J9,

How are you punishing her by telling her no? Explain? She didnt fulfill her responsibilities. You can keep propping her up. She has to live with her choices. Did you make her go out. NO! That's her choice make her live with it. When it comes to divorce and court, if you can prove she went out and didn't manage her money right and she is putting a strain on your pocket, then you should be alright.

How long will you keep bailing her out. Stop. She decided to go out and waste her money on a non need, you are being responsible. Keep it up. Good job.

Oh, I bet you look stunning. You probably look so good, It's driving crazy to even think about acknowledging it. Now you have more fuel on that fire you are building.

Her world is def not stable right now. Stay strong.

[25yearsmlc]

Hey all.....just checking in. I took a 1/2 day today to be the Mystery Reader for my 1st grader in her classroom. Essentially parents volunteer to come in a read to the class. The teacher gives them clues to who the reader is and they have to guess. Unfortunately my youngest is sick so she was not at school today but I went in and read to the class anyway and then hit the gym. I signed up for another day anyway when she will be there. The kids love it when their parents come to class!

OMG yes they do love it. ^^^And she will remember it forever.

No plans tonight, I went out last night after my D's soccer practice with a few buddies to watch Thursday night football. We have soccer games all day tomorrow starting at 8 am so I need to get my rest. I love watching my D's play, yes I am one of those types of parents.

My W and I swapped days next week since the kids are out of school on Monday for Columbus Day. Since she is a teacher she will be off so I told her I would take them on Sunday since she is going to have them on Monday and next week is my week. Just trying to be a good co-parent and as long as I don't feel as though i am being taken advantaee of I don't see anything wrong with it.

I feel as though I have kind of reached a comfort zone in my sitch. I think when i first got here I was kind of like a bull in a china shop or the Tazmainian Devil. Just bouncing around all over the place getting so many things thrown at you, analyzing every conversation. Is she disrespecting me? Do I have boundaries and what are they? Am I initiating too much contact? Am I talking too much to her? Etc. etc. etc. Now I feel like I am just being me. I still do not talk about our R or D and I don't initiate anything however I don't find myself trying to play games any more. IF she texts I text back, if I can take my girls i take them, if I have some extra children's allergy medicine and she asks for it sure I will bring it. This is me, this is who I am. Take it or leave it. For me doing anything else would be vindictive or I would just be doing it to prove a point. At the end of the day what is it going to get me? I don't want to be scared and not "step into" the conversation. i don't want to hide and run scared. If this gets me a D then so be it, it doesn't bother me anymore. IF she called me up right now I would tell her to go file if that is what she wants and I would not have that sinking feeling in my stomach any longer. Hey though this is my sitch, I would probably feel differently if my W was doing some of things others are experiencing. I guess I don't really give a $hit anymore 1 way or another.

So Sunday I have my girls and we will be decorating the outside of our house for halloween. There is a dollar store about 3 blocks away that we will be walking to so they can pick out some stuff. Then we will be heading to the local Pumpkin Patch to pick out pumpkins and have some fun. Our neighbors on both sides and across the street from us all of kids the same age and they al go to the same school. We have lived in our house for 8 years and they have all grown up together. Every year they all go trick or treating together as a group and we take a picture every year, under the same tree, which is super cool because you can see them growing throughout the years.

I know we are entering the time of year with Halloween and Christmas that is going to be rough. I know this will be the first time for me in 16 yrs that we won't be together as a family. I just hope we all find the strength to power through, stay in the moment and not let our minds wonder to those dark places.

^^^^my favorite post of yours (I mean, so far.

[TBSakaJ9]

Thanks 25....yeah I am feeling real good. I still think about the W but when I see her my emotions are not the same.

For example, when we were at my D soccer game I could tell something was wrong with her. So I asked, "Is everything ok?" She said, "yes" but i knew that was not the truth. Then a few minutes later she commented that the girls were being difficult with her. I just said, "I understand, I know that can be frustrating" and just went about my business. I wasn't going to let it impact me, it's her deal not mine and she can't blame her unhappiness on my any more so I didn't really care. BTW I knew she was goin to struggle with having the girls a week at a time. She has no patiences and can only handle them in small doses. Also it is probably hard to keep them entertained in a 1000 sq ft apt.

Took my girls to church this morning then went shaopping for groceries and a few more halloween decorations for the front of house. I got the yard mowed, decorations put up and now the girls are at choir practice. They wanted to order pizza tonight so I am sure daddy will make that happen.

I take them back to their mom's tomorrow morning and they have soccer camp in the morning. Then they are spending the night at a friends house so I will get them on Tuesday morning. I plan on taking them to the pumpkin patch on Tuesday so they can pick out their pumpkins and get them some corn dogs!

I hope you all have had a good weekend!