Hmmm... what are your goals in terms of where you think you fell short in the marriage? personal improvement? physical health? mental health? I think this part of the DB process is important as you are being self-critical and understanding what you'd want to improve upon and make those lasting changes. I'd ask you to revisit this part. Home improvement projects are great, but you need to do GAL activities where you are around other people too. Nothing wrong with being a homebody, but you need to get out of your comfort zone. Do you have any good friends in town?
I think the role I played in the breakdown was not LISTENING to the needs of my partner, at least not well enough. I feel that she did verbalize her unhappiness, but it was only on a couple occasions, and every other day together seemed fun and healthy. Therefore, I simply did not realize the importance of what she had expressed to me. She said she needed more emotional support from me. I understand what that entails, but I also feel that I was somewhat emotionally supportive. I definitely wasn't just checked out. What do I work on in my own personal growth, I am not sure. I don't think I was doing bad in the relationship. I think that SO was more of the issue. I am assuming, but I really feel that she had never let go of the feelings for her previous partner. She romanticized the relationship, even saying that it was "Great". Perhaps we just weren't a match. After 3 years, I would have hoped she would have realized that sooner, before cheating on me and moving DIRECTLY back into her previous relationship.
I do have a "few" friends that I can socialize with, and I have been trying to do so as much as possible with them. Unfortunately, they are mostly middle aged relationship damaged people as well. I agreed to co-host a Halloween party, at the end of the month, so that should hopefully keep me busy and bring some new people into my circle
If you're very handy, have you thought about attending free workshop sessions at home depot or similar stores in town? I am very basic when it comes to being handy, but it is something I'd like to learn and so I am always on the lookout for such workshops. Gives me a chance to interact with other people too. If you're really good at building things, have you thought about offering free classes or something at home depot? You should check that out. I wish you were in my town and I'd come to your sessions to learn. Fam time now is you and D.
I appreciate the suggestion, That's not really an option for me
Don't beat yourself up. It's not pathetic. Sometimes it takes a while to figure out what you might want to try that you haven't. What about something like working out? What about going to movies, plays, concerts etc? Do you want to learn something new - for e.g. a musical instrument? Trust me, no one is just simple. If you truly can't figure out a GAL that goes beyond your current passions, then go do a buncha new stuff and see how you feel. This will also work to get outside your comfort zone. Try and find things to do where it's not just you alone.
I am just starting to get to the point where my brain isn't in a fog. I do want to do some of these things. I am planning on taking D10 bowling tonight after school. Plays, concerts, group activities, parties, they all appeal to me. I just need to branch out and build a singles network of new friends. I have very few singles, that are available to me on a routine basis. Meeting new people isn't my strongest suit. Meeting new people will be my hardest obstacle
That sounds awesome!
Keep on trucking along! Stay strong!
Thank you, I appreciate your input immensely. This is a rough road that we are all on, and having people that care and understand the process are extremely valuable. Thanks again
