WH came back. Piecing. Past the 2 year mark ...

[BluWave]

J9, oh yes, he knows. One of my character flaws (and strengths at times) is that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I have been less interested in the Retrouvaille program and doing the daily HW and I have not been affectionate or planned quality time in awhile. There have also been things that I am not happy about so I have pulled back lately. And I tell him. I have also told him all along there are no guarantees.

I don't think my changing is why I haven't accepted this, but more so that I cannot change my core values and accept it. I have changed in other ways; this sitch has changed my perspective on my life in general. Accepting and forgiving goes against every fiber of my being, and to feel love/intimacy/trust with someone that can betray me in the worst way possible, is a place I just cannot get to. Mind over heart and concrete choices over emotions are no easy feat!

I know that I never will simply move past this. It has to be hard work and processed and it will always be there. On the outside, H has done all the things one could hope for and he truly has changed. He is a great man and partner, and he is a great dad. He is hardworking, loyal, kind, funny, and an amazing lover. He has looked at himself and is trying to change the NG traits and have stronger boundaries with people. He is not perfect tho, and there are things that bother me about him, and there are times that I question if we are compatible. That might be with anyone tho.

Overall tho, yes, it is the A piece for me that is the most difficult to overcome. Sadly, I think that will be the final deal breaker if we go towards D. I just really don't (and didn't) want that to be the reason, however it is what it keeps coming down to in my mind. We all have to decide what we can accept and forgive and I think we are all different. DB is about saving ourselves and hoping they come back. If and when they do come back, the perspective can easily change and it will.

Blu