When dealing with piecing or even prior to that; when the LBH makes certain requests of a WW (total transparency, no contact with OM, etc.) it is smart, or is it healthy to want to know exactly what happened with the W and the OM? Like, how often did they see each other, how often did they engage in sexual activities, etc.? For some reason I am extremely interested in this...but my worry is that it would make it much more difficult to forgive.
Yeah that is completely normal. I don't know what is at work there, but the LBS always seems to want to know all of the sordid details. Maybe it's because the imagination is always worse than reality? Usually these affairs are a lot more mundane than the LBS imagines, so perhaps knowing the details makes it easier to accept what happened. Anyway, here's the problem. The WAS does NOT want to share the details. They want to sweep it all under the rug like it never happened. So if you get to that point, try and work through it with an MC because it's a delicate balance of your need to know against her desire not to share.
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Also, along with these comments; b/c we are living separately right now; and if we were to reconcile, I would be moving into the house she purchased...Should I ask W if the OM has been in the house, even slept-ed in the bed, or had relations in that house? I am deathly afraid of this answer, because again...I want to forgive...but this would make it so much harder.
I think you should assume the worst on that. Of course he's slept there, had sex in the bed with her, etc. The real question is are you OK with that or not? Because if you're not then you've got to figure out what you want to do- not move there, or move there and burn the bed (could be symbolic as well as entertaining, please post it on Youtube if you do ) , etc.
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