25yearsMLC 10 Later I FILE D part 7

[25yearsmlc]

25 - I wasn't suggesting you were being rude... I was saying that if H perceived it that way, he needed to ask the next question on if what's behind it is truthful.

In the past 10 years, the question of why someone might be upset or "Rude" with h has not been an issue h delved into, (that I'm aware of).

H became more resentful. Lots of cognitive dissonance going on.

I recall that H was frustrated with d20 for their feeling abandoned by h, (which was based on reality)

even after h "tried" to compensate with a few brief times together. Just Ridiculous.


We often get caught up by HOW someone is saying something instead of focusing on WHAT they are actually saying.

Amen!

H also got into the habit of turning a comment of mine into something quite different and or into the most extreme version possible. I'm very careful in word selection, so that drove me crazy.

H would hear what he "feared" and not what I said. (Like politicians who argue talking points over each other, and never even find common ground from which they could build).

But hey, telepathy does save time.


BUT I do agree with your T on that you are a little fearful of how H would perceive you. Your M trained you that way and it's gonna take some time to retrain yourself otherwise.

Yes ^^I'm working on this. My self awareness is getting pretty acute.

I have a lot of internal debates (which I've shared here, apparently too much )

but the debates resolve faster and my internal editing process is speeding up.

There will be a time when I'm triggered but will redirect so fast it'll be almost without it surfacing.

after 2/3 of my life spent loving that guy, it'll take some more time. I can't believe d20 is older than i was when I got engaged to h. Yikes.

I have a great T. One of those angels we hope we find when we need them most. Very grateful





Your M also seems to have trained you on worrying about your H more than yourself

YES though I balk at the term "train", (ego).

M to anyone with a demanding career (or new parenthood) forces you to shelve your needs for awhile. That's what adults/good partners do. Temporarily.

The question becomes when it's time to take your needs off the shelf to re-prioritize them.

& for me, the answer is "a long time ago." Better late than never. Now is all I have.



And if you are coming my way this holiday season.... please let me know!

Absolutely will do. I think I'll need to come sometime this winter. Sunlight!