Doing things the right way???

[DBrookie]

It would appear to me that you no longer see the previous sexual problems in your M as a result of your Ws negativity but rather just because of the simple reason that you are a different animal and so is she. No one's fault really.

I guess that is partially right. I'm not much more FUTURE focused than going over the past over and over again. I taking the...this is what I want now in our M to make it work.

In a lot of ways...and I pointed this out to the WAW the other night and she agreed...we kept trying the same things to solve the problems. Now I'm the one doing a 180 on a lot of things...being honest, getting my own therapy, etc...and trying to lead by example.

Have you got the chance to speak to her/clarify to her the way you did with us here? (ie about your being more verbal instead of visual etc?) I think it would really help.

I haven't had the chance. She works about 80 hours a week so time is very hard to get...but I plan on talking about it this weekend if I get to see or talk to her.

I am not sure that moving away to a new job will help but she seems to want the distance now.

Well...honestly, I'm the one who thinks it's the best thing to do. We tried being separated her way (90 feet apart, lots of late night phone calls, lots of controlling stuff) and we never got real space. Now I think we will.

I hope that you don't both be too carried away by work to concentrate on rebuilding your R. There is more to life than work ......

Here's the thing...I used to be a workaholic when she was in professional school. When we moved to a new city I broke that cycle and loved the fact that I had a life. Right now, she has another year until she could actually have that life.

Yesterday, WAW found out she got a MAJOR promotion at her job. I think I was probably the second person she called, after her mom...and I told her how proud I was of her. That her hard work paid off and that she deserved to get the recognition and validation. I think she called me because she knew I would understand just how important this was to her.

Anyhow...she called again late last night because she was still on cloud nine. She's only been this way a few times over the years....and I mentioned a few of those times including the night I proposed to her. I think she knew that was also true.

WAW sets VERY high expectations for herself, and she has ALWAYS met those expectations. But she has also told me that she sets even higher expectations for myself. I know what's happened when I've not met those ultra-high expectations. Sometimes I wonder what will happen when she doesn't meet her own.