I read through most of your threads and can see that you've come a long way and the changes in you. Previously, when I first read your posts, my first thoughts were "Arrrgh, he's not going to get his WAW back with this attitude." At the time, you spoke a lot about how controlling she was and how her negativity affected your libido.
I think that the therapy you have been going through on your own has really helped. It would appear to me that you no longer see the previous sexual problems in your M as a result of your Ws negativity but rather just because of the simple reason that you are a different animal and so is she. No one's fault really.
Have you got the chance to speak to her/clarify to her the way you did with us here? (ie about your being more verbal instead of visual etc?) I think it would really help.
All us HDers (you included) really want is for our spouses to be honest with us and to desire us. Hey, if my H would just be honest with me and tell me exactly what he wants, I would have no problem "playing" along with him, whether its words, lingerie etc. I think your W would be the same way.
Its not too late that you've discovered this now. You have told many here to have patience and I think you need to have even more than the rest of us here because of your current sitch. I know you must be eager to share your new thoughts and be the new you with your W and get the ball rolling again but you need to "execute" this with great care and timing because the past damage has been done and it will take time to heal.
Your W has become a WAW because of past rejections and she will need to get over that (it is a big hurdle for her DBrookie). I think most wise DBers will tell you to not have any R talks when she is not ready, but to just concentrate on being her friend, gain back her trust and to validate whatever she is saying.
I am not sure that moving away to a new job will help but she seems to want the distance now. (Maybe it will make her miss you more as sometimes what they say is not what they really want afterall.)
I think you and W have made many positive steps but you have to be very careful how you handle the sitch. Its a very delicate balance. (ie. don't push too hard or you will scare her away and although some advocate going dark, I don't think its for you right now since you have been making some baby steps, if you let things slide too much, they may stay that way.) Give her little reminders that you would still like to work on your M. Continue to do things that work (that you know she likes) for example going way out to fix her car for her as you mentioned, things like that. Don't push for the intimacy part. It will come (since you are both HD now) once trust is regained. Let her have her independance which she craves, for now and let her know too that she can continue to be independant even when M to you. You don't lose your identity just because you are a partner or spouse. In fact in a good M you will help and encourage each other to become better persons and towards achieving each others own goals.
Her reaction towards your honest email was good, I don't see any resentment in that reaction. Maybe the walls are coming down? You also mentioned that she works long hours and now you are going to start a new job etc. I hope that you don't both be too carried away by work to concentrate on rebuilding your R. There is more to life than work and saying that you have no time to think about your R now because of work is a bad thing IMO and your W needs to know this. Maybe its just and excuse to not think about something that is so hard right now.
Thats all for now Dbrookie, I guess, unless you have some more updates for us. Don't know if I was of much help but you certainly helped me. Thanks.
