We had our session with MC Wednesday (10/4). Went fairly well, I was a validation champ. Maybe too much so, lol. W told me it seemed like I knew "all the right words to say" and that it was kind of "annoying". Think she was only half joking :-/ Bottom line was that counselor wants to see each of us individually, starting in two weeks (soonest we could manage), followed by more MC.
W let me know that she has been feeling a little "smothered" and that she needs space... like I am always around her and sometimes she needs time to herself. I listened, validated what she said, etc. MC inquired further. W explained that it had been a rough couple of weeks, her brother's wife miscarried (bringing up painful memories of our own miscarriage), a good friend passed away, and work has just been hell for her. I told her that I was concerned for her and had just wanted to be there for her if she needed, but could totally see how me hanging around her more could be stifling.
The reality is that, comparatively speaking, yes, I have been "around" her more the past week and a half or so, primarily because she has been going through a rough spot. But I have been far from a constant presence. Also, her moodiness/etc. has clearly been worse since last Friday's call from bff while bff was sitting with OM in bar, which brought my W to tears. Still getting out of the house to work out, run errands, etc. Didn't say any of this to her, just granted how she was feeling, and we agreed that I wouldn't push things with her unless she asked me to come talk or be there or whatever, and to try to give her some more space.
She still doesn't think there is any more talking or work to be done on "the hard stuff" (her A with OM and my prior neglect of her) and that that has all been talked to death. MC wanted us to do a little more work on it, talk about the things that were still bothering us, maybe one time between now and the IC sessions.
The latent rebelliousness is still floating around. She talked some about doing things because she was "supposed to" and that she had done things like that all her life. MC had previously urged us to "just do it" in terms of some more physical contact (hugging, hand-holding, etc) and she has, but she said Wed that it was still kind of weird because she was doing it "because she was supposed to" not because she wanted to. MC urged us to think about things in terms of "I chose to do this" rather than "I was supposed to" do it, to which W responded, "Yeah, but I 'chose to' do it because I was 'supposed to' do it", LOL. (She's sharp, if nothing else.)
She said its hard to know how to feel because "everything else" besides the romance/intimacy is "so much better" between us.
I also took down the surveillance I had put back up on her for a couple of days after bff's phone call. Not much point. I think I'll know if she falls off the wagon with OM and I can always put it back up to check. Other than the brief drive-by of OM's bar, there were no further slip ups. She did tell bff in a phoncon, though, that she does "think about" OM and that when she is not with me but out with friends or at work she has spells where she "constantly" thinks of OM and "does she have five or ten minutes she can sneak away" but hasn't been acting on it. Overall gist of the conversation was that bff had been less of an active enabler and more of a passive "opportunity" for my W to see OM, back when she was doing so. Also, that bff seems less interested in rekindling a romance between my W and OM but rather seems more of a mind that W should be able to hang out whenever and wherever she wants and that there wouldn't necessarily be any harm to my W seeing OM or hanging out in the same establishment as OM. Not that that makes me trust the dynamic anymore, but interesting.
Not surprised to hear W thinks about OM (It has only been about 7 weeks since the "hard" no-contact cutoff, and then the phoncon from bff in OM's presence last week couldn't have helped.)
Sandi2s most recent take on my sitch seems like it is pretty spot on. (W is in a delicate spot after a traumatic week, Give her space, don't push, no pressure, be as fun as possible with a PMA, Do something fun this weekend, be watchful for her going to see OM "one more time")
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
