Finding my way out of the dark - Part 4

[Holding]

I completed my documents and inventory for my L yesterday and submitted them. It felt good to be done, but so sad that our M has come to this. At times I still wish I could go back to that cr@ppy old M, instead of this uncertain future. I know that's the fear of change. That old M will never be back, no matter what happens in the future. So for now, mediation is next.

A few days ago I pulled out my wedding ring to possibly have it appraised. I decided to try it on. It felt familiar, but it looked strange on my hand. The indentation where it used to sit on my finger is slowly disappearing. I'm not sure if it'll ever completely go away, but for me it's just another sign that I'm moving on.

Last night I think STBXW was trying to get under my skin. She's got a bachelorette party this weekend, and there was a Victoria's Secret bag sitting by the front door all night. You'd think she would put something like that in her room. I never said anything about it.

While S10 and I played the xbox in the living room, she sat in there for about 45 minutes talking on the phone. She was talking about the plans for the bachelorette party, meeting up with everyone, etc. Then she talked to someone else about a D they're going through, and she seemed to be giving this person support, saying things like "Sometimes you just need a good cry", "Just take it a day at a time", and "Can you change the locks". I heard her mention she was going to Divorce Care.

That brought me back to thinking about things from her perspective. It's hard to imagine how she sees me as the bad guy that she needs to escape, but she probably does.

I've lost a lot of emotional momentum this week. My GAL efforts have been lacking lately. I've got the kids this weekend since she'll be off, so I need to find some fun stuff for us to do. I think we all need a little pick-up.