I'm not making any changes in my life, with the exception of allowing him in a bit for conversations and texts. I'm also asking for some more support with money items related to the girls.
Right now, I'm enjoying his progress and attention, but our lives are steady and sane.
One observation: I want to feel I'm able to completely be myself in my next relationship. I want to be able to RELAX and be myself. I want someone who doesn't judge me, or hold me up to ridiculous expectations. I want someone who values me for my good qualities, without comparing me to some stereotype of what I'm "supposed" to be. I'm not sure if Matt can accomplish this for me. But, for me, that's a hill I will die on--after all we've been through.
The racist/political B.S. is addict anger. There were two sorta subtle, psuedo-political remarks, and one about millenials--which was stupid.
Part of the addict Boy Scout Motto... "I will hate everyone and everyone will hate me, because I will behave obnoxiously and hurt people in whatever way I'm able." Not to mention, I will placed ridiculous judgments on people, so no one will judge my own insane behavior.
It dissipates when people learn to love themselves again and feel some integrity. Still, time will tell. He's a dangerous mission, and I haven't agreed to take it on today. I will quietly live my life and support him when he chooses light vs. dark.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
