25yearsMLC 10 Later I FILE D part 7

[25yearsmlc]

i wish we had an edit button, if only for 10 minutes...


I continue to watch your situation, Sara's, and Fight's with a great deal of interest. These are the clearest examples of narcissists and I see a lot of similarities with each. Of course whatever we glean from one another doesn't necessarily help with our own situation. While there are patterns, they are still individuals as are we.


yes, I read elsewhere that we don't have to see social pathology to be m to someone we need to ditch. It does not have to all fit. And it doesn't. And that's okay.

Not necessary to understand it all and see, to me, this^^ is giving h my headspace.

Which i did the first time I was here.

My h has a lot of charm and my siblings confirm that we had something very good ate one time.
It used to be preferable for h to be at home, than work. When that changed is not important anymore as it is what it is, now.

I just want you to know that I support you. 100%. In your good choices, and the ones I think are bad. I support your right to make these choices and to change your mind. I want nothing but peace and happiness and a cute guy in the supermarket for you. [/quote]


Own, not sure what the choice is that you believe I made. (Recon is not on the table.)

Re The "hopium of recon" - for ME - that was ego driven.

(Or at least that I'm aware of.)

We all have egos, however bruised. I think all LBSers want to know that our spouse at some point, realizes they lost the great partners we are. That they did not see our true value - or they would not have chosen such a stupid path.


Even if I had a crystal ball and KNEW h would not put me through this again, (which is the dream of all LBSers when we first arrive,)

I'd still have too much to unsee and too much to unknow. Once upon a time that might have been about me and forgiveness, but this time it's about me not having amnesia.

Oh, speaking of dreams -

-I had one a few weeks back. In the dream, h and I are reconciled & close to each other. I'm driving him somewhere. I drop him off and drive away.

As I'm driving, I get overwhelmed with memories, and a ton of triggered emotions, and in the dream -

I realize "oh wow, THAT is the same h who did X, Y & Z to me. $h1t. I cannot do this." Metaphorically, I slap my forehead.

And in the dream I'm not angry. Just done. [/quote]