[quote=lcause]Also I personally find the statement that "life will teach the lessons" a bit odd if it's used to make the LBS to feel good. It is only there to prevent the LBS to falling into doing stupid things.
yes and or petty angry things. Losing the wish to inflict punishment on the WAS to "teach a lesson" also releases the LBS from their need to be right and to stop inserting themselves into their WAS's head -
and to keep the focus on their own growth.
It feels sometimes that we believe too much that the WAS won't be happy, karma will do something or that they will learn and realize their mistakes later on. our ego wants this^^ (pretty much every LBS wants to believe their departing spouse will regret the choice, no matter what else happens.)
Yes, there are statistics saying most 2nd m's end in divorce. Fact.
But if there is an affair - even if the affair "Fails", it does not mean the first marriage will end up reconciled. True.
Lots of reasons for this^^ but in reality, what matters are our own choices.
ever think your analysis is a way to avoid just staying on your path?
Hey, I've been there, done that. Self awareness is vital to our happiness, no matter what our spouses do.
Way more often than not they don't. so are you saying that you know what most WAS's feel? Because saying "way more often most" don't regret leaving their first m's is simply not accurate. Where did you find that?
In a large survey, way more than half of those who filed for divorce, had regrets.
5 years after the divorce, nearly 3/4 saying they wish they had worked harder to solve the marital problems, which I count as a regret.
(BTW, I saw a worthless study saying it was closer to 1/3 who regretted it, but that article also said "24% regret the damage the divorce did to their kids"...
really? Not ALL of them regret "The damage the divorce did to their kids"??)
anyway...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
