Limerence and My Situation 5

[lcause]

I'm sorry for my ignorance and this thread is not the right one to ask it in; sorry for hijacking the thread Mark but based on what you just said: why is it that people in US don't tend to file for the divorce straight away when they move in with OMs or say that a separation is indefinite? If they truly mean it, why not divorce then? If someone moves in with an OM/OW here, it's 100% divorce filed. Basically when a person feels they are done with the M, they file. Separations are REALLY rare in my country and they are only if the couple still sees a possibility in making the M work. That's why I think I'm not far from your position even though my XW filed... although they say divorce is just a paper which doesn't really mean anything when it comes to recon.

Honestly we’re not that far away from each other in regards to how we manage our situation, I feel that TIME is the most important aspect in R’s. Acting as if I know RC is going to happen (statistically speaking) puts me in a mindset that I FEEL emits the kind of person I wish to show, unpressured, happy, calm, not angry and confident knowing I’m going to get through this either way it goes on and on!

That's good Mark! I think we just have the different mental picture. I fall into obsessing if I keep recon as the "end goal" and easily distract myself from doing what I should. If you have ever played any games, making myself the man I want to be is the primary quest and recon is a random chance generated prize for completing that quest. Sorry for the nerdiness, ha.

I think you’ll also agree to TOTALLY detach is impossible (those pesky triggers) but I have some success in giving them NO space in my head and again like you feel the LRT principles and others have aided me massively. This is just one thing I take away from these boards there are so many I’m just suggesting not to be blinkered it’s that simple.

Total detach comes with time. But I think it's good to work towards that continuously. There will be triggers but they will lose their effect over time.