Limerence and My Situation 5

[sandi2]

Sandi you are a perfect example of what I am trying to get across here but am obviously not eloquent enough to portray it through words

What?! Did you even read my post on 10/3? I felt I was going out on a limb, and it was basically b/c I thought you were being hit over the head too much about leaving the MH. I was trying to support you.

I will assume you are referring to my post yesterday. Let me tell you something about my writing. Whenever you see smiley faces, that means I am not trying to sound as if I'm swinging 2x4's. However, I did want to respond to your statement about the vets, which was:

Most vets here have lived it and are now in a place where we are not, I just feel there is too much enthuses on getting to the point of D instead of the point of RC and TO ME that’s just wrong.

Mark, I am here trying to support you, not tear you down. Frankly, I have not posted much at all on your threads b/c I thought, "He's got this". I felt you were getting a lot of flack for moving out and it was time for everyone to drop it and try to offer something more constructive. I mean, when a man says over & over that he is not going to take a particular piece of advice.....it's time for people to let it drop, IMHO.

I sense the frustration in you. Maybe b/c I was so frustrated, myself, when I first arrived on the board. I was trying to be heard and explain my feelings.....and I was the odd ball facing all these LBS's. So, I get it.

As for communication..........wow, let me tell ya......when I see in writing some person's misinterpretation of something I've said, I think I ought to just sit down and shut up. I am not a wordsmith by a long shot. I use a lot of old fashion idioms that probably make no sense to younger people. I end sentences with prepositions, and the rest of the sentence structure is not that great, either. My English teacher would flunk me (if she could read my posts) for not having a subject and verb for every sentence. And my biggest, most favorite of no-no's? Run on sentences. I'm talking an entire paragraph of one long running sentence. I'm making fun of myself to show readers we are not required to write eloquently on the forum. I don't think you were talking about grammar, but communication.......which is key for all of us.

I’m sorry but I have lots of questions for you but understand if you would like to refrain from answering. No problem, fire away.

1. Am I right in thinking you RC your MR? Yes

2. Can I ask how difficult it was for you to go back to your LBH and ask him for another chance? The hardest part for me was swallowing my false pride. Once I accepted full responsibility for my actions, then I was able to feel humility and could go to him with the right heart.

3. Did your LBH give you the SLIGHTEST indication that RC could be achieved? That's a little more difficult to explain in a few words. We were never separated. When he found out about the A, he told me in no uncertain terms he would not tolerate it. Then, he eventually backed off and went dark (as much as you can while living in a small house). I did not know what he might do. I thought I had the upper hand, until I was busted by my grown D. In her talk to me, she said enough that made me think I had killed the love H had for me (essentially losing him). Putting that together with losing the respect of my children and close family......my fantasy came tumbling down pretty quickly.

4. Would you have done it sooner if he had left a “crack” open for RC? No, I would have done it much sooner if he had walked out on me and showed me he was finished with my treatment and he deserved much better.

Sandi you’ve helped me a great deal with my own situation, without you I would never have known about the MNG syndrome and the actual mindset of a WW so I do appreciate your input truly.

I appreciate that very much, b/c I am here to pay forward the help I received when I came here.

My biggest problem and the reason I get all the 2x4’s is that I’m very logical I work with statistics it’s what I do! If we look deep into our lives statistic are everywhere and help us without actually knowing it. Now with A’s there’s the emotional element to factor in and I appreciate that BUT that’s very biased to each separate situation.

Okay. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I will be the first to say that there is no one cookie cutter for every situation. I can see how your logical thinking could resist the very illogical thinking of a WW.

Sorry I believe in RC even with WW’s ^

Well now.....I am living proof. That is why I responded to the remark you made.

believe somewhere down the line there will be the opportunity it’s what I do UNTIL this point I’m berated for. I TOTALLY feel we would see more MR’s RC’ed if we just step back and try and stretch out our timelines, I agree that detachment and NC and GAL’ing has a part to play with us getting to that point and a byproduct of this could be the LBS “moving on” but for ME I intend to continue what I’m doing and see what happens in time.

I don't disagree. And that's why I don't understand why (out of all the other posters on your threads giving you a hard time) you take issue with me. I believe timing is extremely important. I don't think this is as cut & dried as you seem to see it, but maybe I misread you. I believe "opportunity" can present itself much sooner if the LBH does some other things in addition to what you mentioned. It usually depends upon the individual situation. There are certain things that are puzzling about human nature that often defy logic.

If you need a break from the board, that's fine. I hope you will come back, but I'll respect your decision either way. (That's about as good as I get in validation.)