Still here. Still not detached... (Part 2)

[Chris73]

Well, the gym definitely helped. I was in between sets and had an idea for "reframing" my situation...

Most of the time I feel like I've been trying to win back my W's love and attraction for me. This is clearly not working and it's making me depressed.

But as we've all discussed so many times, it's really my W's respect that I need to win back. But the catch is that winning back her respect doesn't necessarily mean that the marriage will ever be saved.

Winning back her respect means that I devote all my energy to GAL and being the best dad ever. While I'm working on my own personal GAL goals, I'll be simultaneously detaching, rebuilding my confidence, looking better, and having a blast without her. Our co-parent relationship means that she'll always be in my life to some degree, and when she's around me she needs to see me achieving these goals.

Time passes and I keep GAL'ing. I'm in better shape. I've taken over the house and made it nicer. I'm going out to play guitar more often. I'm running 5Ks (or 10Ks!). My circle of friends expands. Eventually, she sees me in a new light and realizes that I've become the man that any woman would be crazy to leave...

And then I've taken back the power. She might want me back. She might not. I might not want HER back. Regardless, it's a win-win.

I know that most of you folks have been telling me this over and over again, but I think I really needed to get to the point where I believed it to be the only real solution.