That's my point, I read most people Sitch and how I read them, are that their detachments are cold and angry. Their interactions are get in and get out. IMO, that's weak, that comes off as weak. A person with confidence approaches every person with love and positivity IMO, even a person that has hurt you. I can't see how any person would want to return to a person that totally cuts them off. I think we as LBS can keep a crack in the door while still moving on with our lives.
I'm not saying you say, "hey there's a chance". I'm saying every time a WAS sees a LBS it should be a positive interaction and the last moments of that interaction, should be done with a smile and happiness and joy of the LBS part. I know it's hard for us as LBS, to find joy and happiness in this process, but if we truly can get that spot while still in regular interaction with a WAS, we can turn the tide a bit. It's a hard journey, but every Vet on here has said this will be the hardest thing we ever have done in our lives.
I do agree. I'm not cold towards my XW, but I'm not intentionally hanging in the meetings. I don't talk to her except if I really notice something is wrong (e.g. last weekend when she got hospitalized), outside of kids. I'm more interested in seeing my kids though so I'm super happy each time hugging my kids like crazy in the meetings. Thus that makes myself just genuinely "smile" a bit and then I watch my XW in eyes while she's talking about what kids have eaten etc. That is how I also see Mark interacting with his W. Friendly neighbor approach. Basically, I reflect back what she does. If she's open, I'm more open etc. I definitely don't pursue any discussions and I do cut it short each time I drop my kids, unless she asks me to come and I don't have a hurry. But never cold or angry.
Originally Posted By: 2016sux
It's interesting you say that because I've heard the same about WHs - less likely to come back. Once a man makes up his mind and all that...
I heard on a Christian standing podcast, nice lady Charlyne who cares, that most returns are around the two year mark. But at the same time I know I haven't detached and probably won't until I've lost all hope and given up, which is probably exactly when WH will waltz back in. When I really don't want him back. Forget the law of attraction, it's Sod's Law we should be discussing.
The statistic I've seen and remember is that 20-30% of women and 50-60% of men regret. Women tend to go into affairs when they have really lost the emotional bond to their H while men tend to just fling their middle leg around even if they'd still be in the M. This is the odd part because men are usually referred as the fixers and the logical thinkers. Definitely not when they pursue an extramarital affair, lol.
The difference in that is you can either not want him back or you can trust that your feelings will come back if he does the work. I don't believe in the claims that attraction dies... If you were once attracted to someone, you will be attracted to them always (but emotional burden is just blocking it and maybe he/she is not physically that attractive anymore but that's a thing what they can work on!). Love is a choice and you can decide to build on it or decide that it's over completely.
In my thirties, BDd 2017, divorced 2 young kids new relationship
