...the stats and “experience” on these boards would suggest MOST OF THE TIME WS would consider RC it’s just the BS has moved onto pastures new.
I have this to offer, anecdotally, in case anyone is interested:
- Neighbour - she is LBS. WH started affair May 2015, she threw him out June 2016, he broke it off with OW last week, has come begging for her back. She's not interested. No kids.
- Neighbour's neighbour - W was the LBS. WH moved in with OW. Not clear on timeline. He came back - successful reconciliation, together for decades post BD.
- Friend's MIL: WH ran off with OW when she had a baby and a 4 year old. He returned asking for a second chance 11 months later. She refused.
- Another friend: WH ran off with much younger OW, leaving her with two pre-teens. He came back a year later, broke. She told him to sling his hook.
- MIL's friend: WH ran off with OW after 30 odd years of unhappy marriage. Despite that, he did discuss coming back - they had a few dinners to talk about reconciliation. He didn't because she couldn't forgive and wanted to punish him continually. He's still with OW 14 years later. Grown children with grandchildren.
- Acquaintance 1: Her SIL ran off with OW. Came back to her daughter after 2 years. Uneasily reconciled - daughter only took him back for the sake of their young son.
- Acquaintance 2: WH ran off in classic MLC, no OW disclosed. Still separated and living separately after 8 years, not divorced, she's in a new relationship. He never came back. Grown children.
- Acquaintance 3: WH ran off with OW, settled with her for 6 years. They only ended because she cheated on him (love this story). He never came back. They have a teen-aged daughter together.
- Acquaintance 4 (actually my hairdresser): WH ran off with OW leaving her with a young son. He came back 3 months later, but she turned her nose up. He's still with the OW and they have children together now.
That makes my count 7 out of 9 WAS returning. While not as attractive as AS's 100% stat, it's still a pretty impressive 77%. Which jives with the 77% the smart contact programme puts out - maybe those people would have come back anyway?
Having said that, I am a walking living breathing story about not relying on stats. When I was diagnosed with cancer while pregnant, I went stat crazy in trying to decide what to do. I found out that to be a woman in my age group in my circumstances was a 0.03% likelihood. So if someone told you, "This is a 99.7% chance of NOT happening to you.", you would assume it's as good as never going to happen. But it did happen to me. What happened to me has a less than 1% chance happening to most women in my sitch. For that reason, stats mean nothing to me anymore. You either are blessed, or not. I do agree with Parkema that you can invite a blessing with your behaviour, which is how I read his strategy. An invitation doesn't mean a necessary acceptance, but I think as long as you have it in you, the desire for reconciliation, to act in any other way but inviting would be to let yourself down.
