I would say the following would be the only major things in the DB approach to add on to what Benni noted when you have kids IMHO
1. Smart contact with kids exchanges and schedules 2. Holding W to the schedule and how finances are going to be shared. 3. Be proactive about communications when it comes to kids 4. Attend kid school events, if applicable, but no need to plan that with her. If she wants to come, she can show up. You can decide if you want to stand/sit together for those events - it might be good for kids to see that. 5. Have family activities if you can do it without it being emotionally burdensome - I may do dinners with W every few weeks for the kids. The only way it works for me is to totally have the DB mindset and not think that this interaction is going to move the needle. This way I can be myself and be authentic.
Outside of that, you can have NC and a version of going dark that works towards your goals. For me that is having positive interactions with W when I see her. I already told you how I manage those interactions.
