IMO ultimately you have to be happy with the man in the mirror. If you can wake up every day filled with happiness, content, confidence and know that you are a good person with value then your mission is accomplished.
I have had this discussion my last two IC sessions and I have come to realize that I am happy with who I am. Last Friday we spoke about my passions, goals and just life in general. I told her that I wake up happy and content every day with my life. I don't have any passions like saving the whales, etc. but does that make me a bad person? Do I need those things to live a happy and content life? For me the answer is no. I am a simple man with simple needs and she made me realize there is nothing wrong with that. I don't need all of these other distractions that life has to offer to fill my bucket especially if it is truly about me and not my W. Maybe my W wants that out of me but if I don't then the changes aren't real correct?
All of us come here looking for the magic solution. Just do you become who you want to be. I would like to lose 10 more pounds. Other than that I wake up every day happy with who I see in the mirror. I got lazy in my marriage and didn't water it enough to make it grow. We got bogged down by life and kids. I know dam well though that even though I may have got lazy in my marriage I was not bad husband or father. I never yelled, screamed, layed a hand, was controlling, I participated around the house, didn't turn to the bottle or other drugs, have been involved with my kids, etc. I could have been more engaged, I could have took better care of myself over the past year, I could of had more of a life outside of my marriage, I could have voiced my opinions more and been more direct with what I wanted. I could have done all those things and it still may not have changed I single fricken thing. I am a good provider that got lazy. How do I get it back? Maybe I am not supposed to.
I realize all that now, I don't want to lose my W and my family but I know I am a great guy with value and whether my W comes back or not I will find happiness again.
You just have to be happy with the man in the mirror. That is all you can control.
