Hello All, Most vets here have lived it and are now in a place where we are not, I just feel there is too much enthuses on getting to the point of D instead of the point of RC and TO ME that’s just wrong.
What do you mean with this? I have seen only suggestions that bring you closer to recon or maximizes your chances.
I seriously hope you are not trying to compete against the OM with the list of things you provided with which the OM beats the LBS. Because you will lose that battle. I personally think validation etc. does not apply on the same level when the spouse has another person supporting them emotionally. Because in my opinion that shows you are fine with the situation and accept your place as a friend, not a romantic partner. Only if the xS opens up on your R or the feelings related to it. I might be wrong, but all the recons with WWs I've seen have been on situations where the LBS didn't care about xS anymore and valued their future higher until XS did the work to win the LBS back.
I don't think speculating with statistics or chemical juices is really doing any good for you. You don't know about the future and you can't control her at all. Their R could very well be happy ever after. What I'm saying is that you should drop that speculation and continue working on yourself. Stop thinking about her completely.
In my thirties, BDd 2017, divorced 2 young kids new relationship
