Sandi - I understand and that makes sense. The objective is lasting change and not as a lure for the W to come back.
I agree that housework isn't going to solve any problems with a WW. You may be doing all the housework imaginable, but to paraphrase Paul Simon, a person hears what they want to hear and disregards the rest. For some reason housework seems to be only visible when something is not done.
In my case, think I got "lucky" in that my W got into a car accident, was genuinely rattled, and that seemed to open her eyes a little more. Plus, I changed behaviors - to me they were modest - and that seems to be improving things. We've gone from "our M is failed, fried, done" to "I'm so happy to be married to you" in three weeks.
She "feels like we're a team again" but I don't totally trust it yet. We dealt with cr@p for a very long time. I'm not on eggshells at present, but sometimes it does feel like if I rock the boat, the "good feelings bank" will be emptied. Teammates don't do that!
