Wife Wants to Leave Marriage 6

[25yearsmlc]

[quote=Ginger1]
As far as when is your W going to feel consequences? The real answer is perhaps never. I would give every DB'er the advice to take your focus right off there, because them feeling consequences doesn't impact YOUR life.


THIS^^^. If your w and you divorce, and she gets a new car, your car won't break down. If you win the lottery, that does not make her poorer.

You must learn (NOT EASY) to disconnect her apparent happiness or choices

from yours. HER misery index is not a happiness index for you.


It's been 9 years and I am pretty sure my ex never felt the consequence of what he has done. Actually, his life is just as he wants it. Married OW, part-time father, didn't have any more kids, never had to adjust his schedule or change his job/career, I essentially do the real raising of our daughter. He lost no friends in the process. He has time for his hobbies. With child responsibility a half a night during the week, he has been able to join his volleyball leagues, work OT....... his wife takes his abuse and he is as happy as a clam.


This used to anger me. But one day his daughter will probably see him for who he is. But unfortunately that becomes a consequence for her, rather than him.


let's say all this^^ is true. (Infuriating - except Ginger isn't having to deal with the stomach ache and 'itchy sweater feeling' that would happen by still being married to that ex h. And it's hard to measure or quantify how much better her life is now, but it is.

How does her ex h's behavior and choices now, affect GINGER? Does it mean she cannot date, because he's married? Did she take a paycut because he earns a good salary? Nope, not connected. Ginger could wag her finger at her ex and stay focussed on HIS APPARENT joy, instead of creating her own...but how great would that kind of life be? And what about her d?

If her d9 sees her mom as a happy woman, she's far far less likely to ever become a victim of anyone else.

She will see Ginger as a loving mother (role model!!) and as a woman who makes herself content, and is a kind smart funny woman with meaningful work and deep connections with others. What a lovely role model to have.

Her d9 won't see that in her dad, but we can all pray she feels loved, enough, by him.

Tread you must stop worrying about whether she is suffering enough, or yet. It's not really your job to punish her or teach her lessons. Life will do that, or if she's like Ginger's ex, then she can live a shallow happy for Facebook life, but that won't matter to HER b/c she's living her life in her lane, not his.

and

You'll never find peace that way.