WAWWAW? Woul? Would Love Opinions. Thanks! Part 7

[TBSakaJ9]

But when you start measuring the money, and you make more and you are not yet divorced, be careful what you push her towards.

(And to be honest, I sense a bit of the petty - but understandable part of you - that might enjoy her discomfort. Try not to spend time in that place, okay?).

Hi 25.....I am really trying hard not to get petty, you are right it is hard. I guess I struggle at times with the balance of not supporting her financially vs not being a push over, NG etc.

Under our current arrangement I am paying the car payment and car insurance for the car she drives. I am paying all the family medical bills, the previous family debt we had and 90% of our children's after school care. We did sit down together before she moved out and put together budgets for ourselves, listed everything out and this is what we agreed upon. She also opened up her own credit card that had a $2k limit on it and she has maxed that out. I did offer to sit down with her and go over the finances again which she declined.

When she runs over budget though you know who she comes to? I guess that is what I struggle with the most. Not wanting to be the nice guy and bail her out but also not wanting it to come across as vindictive and punitive. For the record when she did need money I gave it to her or supported her and when she offered to pay it back I have declined.

Your thoughts????

What does your lawyer say?

I have not spoke to a lawyer yet but I do have a good friend who is a judge and I have sought his council. He just said keep good records of what money you give her and your expenses. At the end of the day more of the law will be applied vs current state sort of speak.

She has not brought up D since the middle of July so I am not sure what's going on in her head.

Not sure what state you live in, or how much more you make than she does.

We live in Texas which is a community property state.

In general, a court does not like seeing one party have a substantial downturn in their lifestyle while the other does not.

in my case, and what my L will argue

is that my h is an MD with a pristine resume, whereas I've got an 18 year gap in my resume, while I raised our kids and moved 9 times for h's career.

I agree and IMO I think our lifestyle are similar. I think my W has problems budgeting her money because I handled all the finances for the 16 years we have been together. She is a teacher with a Bachelor's Degree so other than income disparity there are no gaps in her employment nor any concerns about her finding a job.

Where I filed, The court thinks after a long m this^^^ should not mean I live in a crappy place while my h lives in almost the same lifestyle we had while married.

I agree totally......the apartment she found costs more than our mortgage and is brand new.

Ultimately, yes the higher earner will have more, b/c they earn more. But That's later.
And assumes the lower earning spouse does not remarry.

I fully accept and understand that if we go to D I will be paying her some monthly support and prob alimony even with having 50/50 custody. The only thing I have asked her to pay for is her cell phone bill $120/mth and $70/mth towards our children's after school care. I am paying for every other expense she left behind when she moved out. Car notes, car insurance, former family debt, etc.

I just don't know how to handle when she goes over the budget we put together for her. I don't want to seem vindictive/punitive or come across as a push over, wimpy, NG. I never reach out to her and ask her if she needs money I am just responding to when she reaches out.