Still here. Still not detached... (Part 2)

[25yearsmlc]

Went to another Divorce Care group session last night. Frankly, it was a little too "churchy" for me. I respect and appreciate the fact that these groups are provided virtually free of charge, and I don't deny anyone's right to believe/worship who/what they want. Whatever gives you genuine comfort and helps you make it through difficult days can never be bad.

That being said, in the 2-hour session (video, big group discussion, and small group discussion) we spent a lot of time praying, talking about praying, quoting bible verses, contemplating sin, and talking about surrendering to God's will as the solution for most problems.

Sorry about this^^^ experience. I have had such a different one. Yes We pray (somewhat generically) at the end of the meeting. I'm not from a family that quoted scripture much, though we attended church.

But I actually kind having a prayer when it's over, for a sense of peace. (Like I did some personal work that night, and can shelve it for some sleep).
As you said, reframing is helpful, and "Trust and faith" are things we all need really.

Also, our group meets afterwards at a pizza/beer joint near by. We have some drinks and we get real. (The leader does not attend).

That ^^^ is the most helpful for me. I have done some GAL with them too, like barbecues, a rock concert and an NFL hockey game, too. GAL is easier for me with them, for obvious reasons.


Perhaps I'm just too rigid in my thinking. I can usually reframe abstract discussions about God into something I can relate to (the divine within us, the power of the universe, etc.), but I just couldn't relate to this group. I felt a bit like an outsider, pretending to go along with the ideas that I really don't subscribe to.

The other issue is that out of 10-12 participants, I'm the only guy. So I'm still on the hunt for another support group that might be more appropriate.

Don't stop hunting. As for rigid thinking, I admit I struggled a little with it but I have opened my heart and mind to it more. (Can't hurt, can it?)
And I suspect i'd have a much harder time returning - if I did not know they are an easy going fun group.

There are some heartbreaking newbies who are not "fun" yet, but man, theyreally need the support. Their pain is quite raw. Plus I get perspective about this divorce process which helps me not screw my head in the ceiling. Some of the folks there can offer unique insight into what is a fair settlement, versus just getting what you need and moving on...

(And fwiw, some of the men in my group talk about missing their kids. They don't whine much about paying child support. I thanked them for that. I would give anything to have had a h who cared most about TIME with our children...So the group had that added value to me.) Attendance varies too. Sometimes we have more men and there are people who took the class before and revolve in and out.

Naturally my experience makes me urge you to give the group more time AND OR ask their group leader for suggestions more specific to you.

Our "leader" has pointed me in 3 directions for added help, and she's been spot on.