Super dad! That is quite a list. Sometimes I give myself snaps just for getting out of bed and getting my kids to school in one piece! You gotta savor in the small accomplishments. One step at a time. One day at a time. Lists are a great way to see how much you actually do every day.
Keep up the great work!
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
I now truly believe that all of that "tough" talk is posturing and complete misunderstanding of what it feels like to face losing a family. On top of that just the thought of some d--khead idiot OM possibly being involved in raising your kids is simply terrifying.
I don't know that I agree with this. We ALL want (or wanted) to save our families or we wouldn't be here, but the standard advice here for a WS is "throw the cheater out of the MBR and if they want space, THEY can leave the house!"
We've all faced this, but we all still give this advice--and I assure you that few if any of us misunderstand what it feels like to face losing a family.
If I had to do it over again (assuming I decided I WANTED to save the M, because the me today sure as hell wouldn't) at ILYBNILWY I should have loaded her ass in the car, dropped her off at her mother's house, and told her to get OM and OM2 out of her life and give me a call if she wanted to fix things.
Instead, I let MNG run the show and things just got worse, worse, and worse. And today, d--khead idiot OM2 lives with her and plays family with our daughter on the weekends. It's progressed to the point where XW goes out of her way to have D talk to him every night when they facetime. OTOH, I'd much rather that d--khead OM have a positive relationship with her than a negative relationship (or no relationship) with her. If she has to have another man in her life, at least it's someone who treats her well and not like crap or ignores her.
Thanks Blu. You are SOOOOO right! I need to start making "end of day" lists to remind myself how much I DID get accomplished. I usually only spend my time making to-do lists at the beginning of the day and get depressed when I don't hit everything...
M46 W48 M11 T14 S11 D8 BD: 2016/05/27 In-home separation: 2016/11/23 Nesting: 2017/06/11 W moves out: 2018/01/07 W goes public with OM: 2018/07/12 I ask for a divorce: 2018/12/14
Cruising around FB this morning and went to a friend’s page who’s friends with my W. These days I have my W on “unfollowed” so that her posts don’t show up in my feed and I’m forced to look her up to see what she’s up to. But I noticed her brand new sexy profile pic and cover photo from a vacation she went on with her girlfriends, and I lost it. Didn’t really want to start my day seeing pictures of how happy she is. I just don’t get it. All this stress and turmoil in our family and she’s whooping it up... or at least pretending to be.
So I deleted the app from my phone and put on some Mardi Gras music, which always puts me in a better mood. I’m thinking ab deactivating my FB account for a while...
M46 W48 M11 T14 S11 D8 BD: 2016/05/27 In-home separation: 2016/11/23 Nesting: 2017/06/11 W moves out: 2018/01/07 W goes public with OM: 2018/07/12 I ask for a divorce: 2018/12/14
I now truly believe that all of that "tough" talk is posturing and complete misunderstanding of what it feels like to face losing a family. On top of that just the thought of some d--khead idiot OM possibly being involved in raising your kids is simply terrifying.
I don't know that I agree with this. We ALL want (or wanted) to save our families or we wouldn't be here, but the standard advice here for a WS is "throw the cheater out of the MBR and if they want space, THEY can leave the house!"
We've all faced this, but we all still give this advice--and I assure you that few if any of us misunderstand what it feels like to face losing a family.
EastTN - I think you've misread who I was talking about. It wasn't at all about the people on this board but the outside friends who give tough advice (mostly "just divorce and move on") yet have no understanding whatsoever of what we're going through upon BD/A discovery and subsequent S.
Don't know if you're right or wrong re handling d--khead OM being part of your kids lives. All I know is that I'm definitely dreading this possibility. Fortunately I don't need to face this issue right now as my WW has not revealed OM's presence to D yet for whatever reason. I know we can't read WW's minds but maybe, not holding my breath but just maybe, WW will be "smart" enough to end the A without going through that experience.
Me47 W38 D11 M 12yrs 1st BD 3/16 2nd BD 12/16 Confirm PA 1/17 (going on for at least 1 yr, maybe longer) Separated 2/17 D No talk
So depressed today. Great weekend with the kids but felt burdened by the impending life changes headed our way over the next three months. Tried to push it away and focus on the present moment, but reminders pop up everywhere. Lots of tearing up moments.
Did some GAL last night at the blues jam, but I'm sure all of you know that feeling when you KNOW getting out and socializing is good for you but your heart's just not in it.
I just feel so effing lonely. I know that I have my family and my kids to fill some of the empty spaces, but that's not the kind of lonely I'm talking about.
I have a busy day so I'm going to have to push through this if I want to be productive. IC at lunchtime. Gym after work. Divorce Care after gym.
Happy Monday everyone!
M46 W48 M11 T14 S11 D8 BD: 2016/05/27 In-home separation: 2016/11/23 Nesting: 2017/06/11 W moves out: 2018/01/07 W goes public with OM: 2018/07/12 I ask for a divorce: 2018/12/14
The trick is to go out, even if you do not feel like it. Push through it. Just do not go looking for "love". You are breoken ATM and broken attracts broken. And you have enough broken in your life right now. Hiking does wonders for the soul. You are still veeeeeeeeeeeeery early in all of this and I assure you that all that you are feeling is perfectly normal. I can share my timeline with you if you want. In my case the breaking point when things started too look up was about 6 months from BD. And then it took another 6 months till I was in the region of mostly OK. Now, 3 years from BD, I am great. Occasionally I still get the blues, but that's on the order of once per 3 months or so, and I can shake it of within the hour.
Went to another Divorce Care group session last night. Frankly, it was a little too "churchy" for me. I respect and appreciate the fact that these groups are provided virtually free of charge, and I don't deny anyone's right to believe/worship who/what they want. Whatever gives you genuine comfort and helps you make it through difficult days can never be bad.
That being said, in the 2-hour session (video, big group discussion, and small group discussion) we spent a lot of time praying, talking about praying, quoting bible verses, contemplating sin, and talking about surrendering to God's will as the solution for most problems.
Perhaps I'm just too rigid in my thinking. I can usually reframe abstract discussions about God into something I can relate to (the divine within us, the power of the universe, etc.), but I just couldn't relate to this group. I felt a bit like an outsider, pretending to go along with the ideas that I really don't subscribe to.
The other issue is that out of 10-12 participants, I'm the only guy. So I'm still on the hunt for another support group that might be more appropriate.
M46 W48 M11 T14 S11 D8 BD: 2016/05/27 In-home separation: 2016/11/23 Nesting: 2017/06/11 W moves out: 2018/01/07 W goes public with OM: 2018/07/12 I ask for a divorce: 2018/12/14
