The phrase "I feel sorry for guys who are working so hard to change"... while we're trying to get our heads around changing and taking one to tango...felt like it maybe it wasn't even worth trying. At least that's the way I read it. And I didn't know if the extra slice of resentment from the W made it that much more hopeless.
The guys I feel sorry for working so hard to change.....only to be disappointed it didn't work to draw the WW back into the MR, are those who are focused on appeasing their WW, instead of really making changes on the man himself.
Do you know what the first thing on his list of "changes" most of these guys write? Doing more to help around the house. If she was not wayward, it might have some benefits if this has been a major sore issue. However, it doesn't change that part of a man that truly has an impact on the MR. Helping around the house will do nothing for a WW.
The changes he needs to make is to end his nice guy syndrome, take charge, become the leader, command respect, and stop acting like a "Yes Dear" whipped H who is scared to stand up to his W who is a spoiled, entitled, bully. In short, he needs to grow some b@lls, and change the dynamics in the relationship. He does that by changing who he is inwardly. The changes he needs to make are on the inside of who he is as a man.
This other stuff, like helping out around the house, is useless. You think a WW is going to melt at the feet of some guy who is running around doing housework? No, she is not attracted to that guy. She is way past the point of where chores is enough to impress her feelings toward him.
By the time the H finds his way to the DB board, his WW has reached the rebellious stage. It will take a man who is not afraid to lose her, and not afraid to stand toe to toe with her and not back down. It will take a man who will not allow her to belittle him, show disrespect in front of his kids, etc. These are the changes that count, b/c if it helps to get his WW back......they will have a much better MR. If it doesn't get her back, he walks away with his dignity and self-respect, and feeling more like a real man than before this all started.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
