What to Do? 3

[chris19]

UPDATE;

We ended up meeting yesterday; I went to her house. W started off with some small talk; trying to be engaging, and I simply was providing precise short answers, without being rude, and keeping my cool. With her noticing my short responses, she started to talk.

- I want to let you know, I cannot remember everything which was discussed, so I will try to do my best.

She started by explaining where she was at from an emotional standpoint; I did not validate, I rather just actively listened to her. She talked for a while explaining her view point and how it was discouraging that I was "doing more of the same" by not actively trying to pursue her the past month. This is when I spoke up; looking back, I probably provided to much information; but I explained how in my mind I was actually doing many things.

I explained I was looking into the past to develop an understanding of where I went wrong in the R/M; so I could work on those things myself. I was not going to push and plead and make empty promises which I have in the past to her; I needed to become the person I need to be in order to be happy in life in general. Here is where I might have going on too long. I explained to her where I thought we both feel short; my self confidence took a back seat to me nice guy attitude which lead to disappointments, which lead to disrespect and to resentment. This all lead to the biggest prob in our M which was lack of intimacy and sex.

I kind of stopped there and let her continue most of the conversation. She brought up things which we had already discussed... Then told me she was mad at my for not trying and did not understand.

I said; Because I have learned things about myself, I realized I will not be in an open relationship; this is one absolute I feel deep in my core now. And also I told her how I never received a complete apology for the EA/possible PA.

I noticed something in her eyes and her body position that was kind of turned on/or taken back at the least.

From that point on in the conversation; she began to cry and explain how she was so regretful and full of guilt; and everyday she battles herself. She asked me what it would take for me to give it another shot; and I said "I am really not sure, because it is not as simple anymore" ---- I said this without seeing Sandi's post (wow)! I explained I would need complete transparency, no contact/number blocking with OM; and time to gain trust back.

She then asked what I would want to see in the next 1 to 3 months if we did reconcile... I did not want to give much here; because I really don't know right now; so I just said "I cannot answer that right now; I would have to think about that".

After that, she showed me a pic of our niece; and said she was kind of emotional drained for the night. I told her it was getting late, I got up, hugged, and left.

I stayed calm, and not so much disinterested; but more unimpressed by her tears. I did find it comforting as she was explaining she was "still here; and was apologetic about acting immature with the ultimatum the past couple weeks"; she admitted it was just to get arousal out of me.

I just blabbed for long enough...one thing she still fears is the lack of physical intimacy. I need to read up on the SSM; and how to overcome this long period.