Any Advice 2

[CW2017]

Hi GW
I went through a strange couple of days on vacation recently. Once I had fully unwound from work (and I was particularly exhausted this year for obvious reasons!) I entertained the idea of driving a relatively short distance to beat the absolute **** out of the OM which is very unlike me. My reasoning was that no matter what the W had done he was the one whispering in her ear all the time and I could gauge this in her modified conversational technique (plus the whole pursed lips lowered tone business in her speech patterns), I guess this whole "revenge" thing is just human nature ultimately.

As I am now in a good place mentally (with my own versions of GAL and detaching) I am taking the attitude of if it is still going on it will out itself eventually and then I will make my move (which I hope never happens). We are extremely close now and I am hoping for the best as I am not going to snoop any more (nothing since June now) and will instead rely on my gut. So I agree with everyone else in the sense that any sort of gratification is just destructive in the long run.

So more power to you in whatever you choose to do

CW

[gw5263]

Really [censored] day today. Started out well, got off work, saw divorce atty just to see the lay of the land, saw bankruptcy atty to repair finances, good deal. Go to sleep, wake up four hours later mad for no apparent reason. HAVE NOT DONE ANY OF THE BELOW.....

Felt like giving WW an ultimatum...
felt like punching OM repeatedly about the head neck and chest
Felt like putting all her [censored] in garbage bags and throwing it in the yard
Felt like sitting her down and telling her how jacked up her train of thought is and how much none of it makes sense in the real world.
Felt like screaming at the top of my lungs in the woods.
Shew, that felt good.

I just feel like im sitting back allowing and almost telling her its ok to carry on with this mess. She talks to him every night, when im home its while walking, when im at work its in the bedroom on facetime for two hours like a teen. So sick of it.
She didnt ask the first question about the bankruptcy atty visit, im supposed to deal with all that while shes on amazon buying ass face gifts.
Didnt tell her about the divorce lawyer or the fact that this will not play out well for her at all according to the laws here.
In fact it has a very negative outcome for her financially. didnt tell her that neither of our kids will even entertain the thought of going to Georgia to see or live with OM.
She fully believes they will roll on with her.
Didnt tell her how ridiculous i thougt it was that she is " In Love" with OM just because he says everything she wants to hear emotionally.
Didnt tell her how juvenile it appears to me that she has fallen for someone over a six inch glass screen.

Didnt tell her how destructive her behavior is to the entire family and it is propelled by a selfish desire.

Didnt tell her that he probabhly has a real, available, flesh and blood girlfriend at arms reach since she is only able to call him between 5p - 7 p

didnt tell her she was being played like a fiddle and was throwing everything away to be with an abusive serial cheater

Didnt tell her how odd it seems that someone who wants you to divorce your spouse an be with him, will not pay for your divorce or attorney despite allegedly having plenty of money. He only offered to pay the $100 filing fee. Don't know about anyone else, but if i "Loved" my married girlfriend that much, Id sell organs to get her divorced and to me.

Nope, DIDNT DO ANY OF THIS, despite the mood i was in today. Just a real crappy day i guess, but it felt good and was harmless to write it her instead of acting on it.
you may noiw move about the cabin freely. Thanks for letting me vent.......

[gw5263]

Man that felt good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sandi2]

Anytime, GW. Glad it helps to vent.

[leahsue]

Yes, gw, great job getting it all out on here! THAT'S what keeps us sane.

And I love the "now you can move about the cabin freely" thing. Made me laugh. And somehow I knew exactly what you meant.

[gw5263]

I just needed to empty it all out. everything there is something i have wanted to say to her all along, but in her current altered mental state it will not matter or have the desired effect. She went on a walk tonight to call him ( Between 5 and 7, Lol) and when she passed the house i was on the roof making repairs. Almost sounded like they were arguing. Welcome to real life sunshine. I am still detaching, however it appears he has cancelled his plans to come up next week. WW wants to take the kids on several day trips with us to the Zoo, fort knox, and lincolns birthplace. Might be an interesting week. Just have to be patient. I went out last night for a drive and didnt bother to tell her where i was going. Came home to everyone in bed at 9pm... She asked today where i went and i just said for a drive.

She appears to be having stress related issues lately. Pain and stiffness in the neck, unable to sleep well, physically ill a lot with stomach issues..... Guilt is a powerful thing. Could be that she might be beginning to realize whats going on here in the real world. Doubt it, but maybe. All i can do is keep on keeping on. As people say where i work, " it is what it is, let it do what it do". Pretty sage advice from convicts......

[dirxml]

GW

I have to ask, why do you let her continue to disrespect you like this? Why would you even consider going on this trip with her while she is obviously still involved with this POS all the while trying to pretend you're all still one big happy family?

[gw5263]

These are small day trips with the kids while they are out on fall break. Im not doing it for her, im doing it for them, its something they want to do. They wanted her to go, and im not about to make thier lives any harder than they are right now. regardless of what shes done to me, she is still thier mother. Ill not use the kids to punish her or the situation to affect the kids. As far as the disrespecting me goes, what do you suggest i do? ban her from any interactions with the kids and I? I cant cage her and make her stop her affair. I can make her see how much fun doing things as a family is. I can let her see what she will be losing if she continues down her path. And trust me, no one in this family is under the illusion that we are all happy right now, trust me. These kids are going through something right now that no one thier age should have to endure.

[Tread]

GW,

You cannot make her stop the A. But you can take away the benefit of having family get togethers. She will have fun with the family. And then return to lay up with OM. Your W needs to lose something and miss it. And this should be the first of many things. If she wants do things as a family, then drop OM. If not, then she is no longer apart of the family dynamic.

[gw5263]

There is no laying up with OM at present. He is three states away.. But i get your point. She needs a loss or consequence to occur. I'm just trying to make sure the kids have a good break, and dont have to think about the issue right now. Maybe i went about it the wrong way.