Finding my way out of the dark - Part 4

[Accuray]

Holding,

Very sorry for what you’re going through—you’re in the thick of it now. One thing I’ll suggest that may serve you well.

There are things people do and say, and then there is the meaning we attach to those things.

For instance your wife opened up to you about her doubts. That’s a fact.

After what happened next you told yourself the story that she was manipulating you and then got angry about that.

Maybe she was manipulating you, and maybe she was just being earnest and sharing a rare authentic moment.

There is no way to know the reality of the situation—she may not even know, but you will be much better served in your life by assuming that she was being authentic or by assuming nothing at all and just taking the incident at face value.

There is what happens in life, and then there is what we tell ourselves it means. The first is a fact, the second a fabrication. If we fabricate negative meanings we poison ourselves.

Your wife can be mean and openly nasty and aggressive—by all means be upset about that, but spare yourself the pain of getting angry at meanings you’ve attached to life’s events, it hurts you more than anybody else.

Stay strong, you’ll make it!

My ExW was in a huge hurry to move out. She went out looking at condos on a Saturday morning and by Sunday afternoon had signed a P&S. Unfortunately she didn’t understand that the condo fees were monthly vs annually. Now she’s lived there for three years and can’t afford it, and has had it on the market for 14 months. No one will buy it because the fees are so high. Karma will take care of your W, don’t worry.

Acc